无论未来我生活在世界的哪个角落，我都会永远珍藏着一片斯德哥尔摩在心中。

No matter in which corner of this world I will live in the future, I will always carry a piece of Stockholm in my heart.

因为社会福利高，贫富差距小，北欧五国一直是从出生就开始内卷的东亚年轻人心目中的精神故乡。之前在美国待久了，相比美国人大大咧咧比较情绪化的外放性格，好像在北欧人偏内敛稳重的脾性上更能让我找到共通点，而自己一直想要去瑞典，又因为各种原因未能成行，所以2023年春寒料峭时候终于来到了朝思暮想已久的精神故乡斯德哥尔摩。在国内朝九晚五两点一线的生活让我逐渐变得精神麻木，陷入了一种被框在格子间里只会做形式主义工作的困局，第一次在斯德哥尔摩度过的两三天却让我有难得的机会静下心来，坐游船，吹海风，喂海鸥，逛公园，赏春花，看展览，搭电车，摄街景，被工作拉得紧绷的神经得到充分放松，大脑也可以空下来，去思考作为现代社会的一份子，如何更好地参与和实现在摩登生活中人的居住空间与自然环境的可持续性发展之间的平衡一类的现代化问题。

Due to their generous social welfare systems and relatively small wealth gaps, the five Nordic countries have long been seen as a spiritual homeland by East Asian young people, who have been caught up in intense competition since birth. Having spent quite some time in the U.S., I found that, compared to the more emotional, outspoken and extroverted nature of Americans, I connected more with the Nordic temperament—reserved, quiet and composed. I had always wanted to go to Sweden but couldn’t make the trip to happen due to various circumstances. So, in the chilly early spring of 2023, I finally came to Stockholm, my spiritual hometown that I had longed for.

早春攀上枝头。/ Early spring climbing on the tree branches.

Back in China, the daily grind of going back and forth between home and work from 9 to 5 slowly wore me down and left me feeling mentally numb. I felt trapped in a cubicle, doing nothing but performative, formalistic work. Yet in just three days in Stockholm, I found a rare chance to slow down. I took boat rides, felt the sea breeze, fed seagulls, strolled through parks, admired spring flowers, visited exhibitions, rode trams, and captured street scenes with my camera. The tension that work had built up in me was finally released and left my mind with some room to breathe.

In that stillness, I could reflect on modern societal questions—like how, as individuals living in contemporary life, we might better participate in and achieve a balance between sustainable urban living spaces and the natural environment.

斯德哥尔摩在中文语境中有一个昵称“斯京”，可以直译为斯堪的纳维亚的首都，北欧五国除挪威奥斯陆外其他三国的首都都去过或短暂停留过，觉得让我每逢周末都要去怎么都逛不够撵不走的斯德哥尔摩确实也配得上这一名号，当时没有去成斯京念书也安慰自己说，就算真的去了也是一个字都念不进去，不论晴雨霜雪只会整日在斯京漂亮宽敞的城市街道上扫街拍照吹风赏景罢了。

北欧博物馆外的斯德哥尔摩之秋。/ Stockholm in autumn outside the Nordic Museum.

In Chinese, Stockholm has a nickname— “Si Jing”, which can be directly translated as the capital of Scandinavia. I’ve visited or at least briefly passed through the capitals of the other three Nordic countries, except for Oslo in Norway, and I have to say: Stockholm truly lives up to her nickname. It’s the only city that, no matter how many weekends I spend there, I never seem to get enough of. I always find myself wandering her streets, reluctant to leave.

斯京跨年夜下的雪。/ Snow on New Year's Eve in Stockholm.

Back when I missed the chance to study in Stockholm, I comforted myself by thinking—even if I had gone, I probably wouldn’t have gotten any studying done. No matter it was sunny, rainy, frosty or snowy, I would likely have just spent my days out on the beautiful, spacious streets of the city, camera in hand, taking photos, feeling the breeze, and soaking in the scenery.

万圣节期间斯德哥尔摩大街上的装置。/ Decorations on the streets of Stockholm during Halloween.

由北京出发，飞机起飞前行程间隙去王府井晃了晃，发现每次来北京都会以典型游客的身份去逛的小吃街已经整改，王府井书店也只有入口的一层还在卖书，其他楼层都改成了美食广场，下到地下一层，找了个摊位坐下点了一份老北京卤煮。吃过很多种烹饪猪心肺的方式，但可能是出于食材本身质感的缘故，发现很少有能把猪肺做好吃甚至能入口的。大多数时候都被饭桌上的所有人剩在菜盘里，偶尔自己的好奇心上来出于“万一这次不一样呢”的心理夹一块进嘴也是意料之中熟悉的口香糖被嚼烂后散开在嘴里软乎略带点恶心的口感，再加上猪肉没被处理好的腥气，让猪肺这种食材每每都受我百般嫌弃。但在王府井吃到卤煮里的猪肺却让人入口即惊艳，酱香味浓，在各种香料的卤水里被炖得有些软烂又不失略微的嚼劲，吃完还让我意犹未尽愣在原地回味了好一会儿，回程的时候在飞机上都在考虑要不要再跑去问店家问秘方好自己复刻。对北京这座城市的印象一直都是很不错的，治安很好。因为上初中的时候家住在人迹罕至的开发区，下了晚自习都要从学校骑很久的车才能回家。一次晚上骑车回家的路上被一男一女拦了下来，男的指着女的对我说这是他妹妹，晚饭没吃很饿，想找我借点钱去买东西吃，我从包里拿出晚自习没吃打算带回家当宵夜的面包递给他们，对方没接却坚持让我跟他们去前面没有人的僻静地方让我给他们些钱去找个地方吃饭。觉得他们行为反常就踩上单车往家的地方走了。几个星期后就在报纸上看到有初中生被用相似的套路拐到外地的新闻，回想起自己那天晚上的经历都觉得后怕。再后来去北京参加钢琴比赛，因为同行的妈妈有会要开，又不想我整天窝在宾馆里，就塞了一些钱让我自己一个人出门在北京玩，换了几趟地铁公交，去王府井书店看了一整天的书，中午饿了的时候去当时还开着的王府井小吃街买东西吃。虽然已经记不得当时的比赛拿了什么名次和奖项，但每次回忆起来都是带着王府井的春饼里豆芽菜甜丝丝的味道，以及作为中学生的自己独自出行的兴奋愉快的心情。

王府井小吃街旧址/The Former Site of Wangfujing Snack Street.

Departing from Beijing, I had a bit of time before my flight, so I wandered around Wangfujing. I found that the snack street that I would visit as a typical tourist every time I came to Beijing had been shut down and renovated. The once-vibrant Wangfujing Bookstore now only had its first floor still selling books, everything above had been turned into a food court. I went down to the basement level, found a stall, and sat down to order a bowl of lu zhu, a traditional Beijing stew of pork offal.

I’ve tried many ways of cooking pig heart and lungs before, but perhaps due to the texture of the ingredients themselves, I’ve rarely had pig lung that was even palatable, let alone tasty. Most of the time, they are left on the plate by everyone at the table. Occasionally, driven by curiosity and the faint hope of “maybe this time will be different,” I’d take a bite, only to be greeted by the all-too-familiar unpleasant, rubbery, slightly nauseating texture—like chewed-up gum—along with that funky odor of improperly cleaned pork. Pig lung had always been something I disliked, even avoided.

But the lu zhu I had in Wangfujing was a complete surprise. The pig lung was rich with the flavor of the soy-based broth, stewed until tender but still just a little chewy, soaking in the fragrance of the spices. It was so unexpectedly good that I sat there in a daze for a while afterward, savoring the lingering taste. Even on the flight back, I kept thinking about whether I should've gone back to ask the vendor for the recipe so I could try to recreate it myself.

I’ve always had a good impression of Beijing, especially when it comes to public safety. Back in middle school, my family lived in a house in a development area where there were few people, and after evening classes I had to bike a long way home through mostly empty streets. One night, a man and a woman stopped me on my way home. The man pointed at the woman and said she was his sister, and that she hadn’t eaten dinner. He asked if I could lend them some money to buy food. I offered them the bread I’d packed from school to eat later as a late-night snack, but they refused and insisted I should go with them to a more secluded area up ahead so I could give them some money for food. I thought their behavior was abnormal, so I got on my bike and rode home.

A few weeks later, I saw a news article about a middle school student who had been lured away with a similar story and was abducted to another city. Thinking back on that night, I can still feel a chill creep on my back.

Later, I came to Beijing again to participate in a piano competition. My mom had meetings to attend and didn’t want me to stay in the hotel all day, so she gave me some money and encourage me to explore the city on my own. I changed between metro lines and buses, spent the whole day reading in Wangfujing Bookstore, and when I got hungry, I grabbed something to eat from the old Wangfujing snack street that was still around back then.

I honestly can’t remember what award I won at that competition, but every time I think back to that trip, I’m reminded of the sweet, crunchy taste of bean sprouts in the spring pancakes I ate, and the joy of being a middle schooler setting out to explore Beijing on my own for the first time.

以瑞典的斯德哥尔摩和哥特兰岛为背景的动画电影《魔女宅急便》里有一句: 要保持微笑，第一印象很重要。回想起来和瑞典人对于双方的第一印象而言似乎都有些莫名其妙，引人发笑。高中的时候在南加州的沙漠小镇上念书，当时的室友是个捷克女生，吵着跨年的时候要去棕榈泉市中心的商业街玩，架不住她的软磨硬泡，便穿上小黑裙子化了妆，在最喜欢的餐厅订了座，吃完晚饭因为未到在美国可以合法饮酒年龄的缘故，哪一间酒吧都不肯让我们进，警察也在街上的娱乐场所挨个巡视，几次碰壁之后我们准备打车回去，坐在路边等车来的时候突然发现捷克室友在和两个又高又壮的欧洲男人搭讪，因为自己初中时候的经历，以及她几天前刚刚告诉我她之前在捷克街上和朋友差点被人绑走过，看了下对方两个人的身型非常自信出了什么事自己绝对打不过，所以便起身打算把她拉到安全一点的地方去。

我：“你在干什么？车快来了！”

捷克女生：“他们两个也是欧洲来的诶！”

两个又高又壮的欧洲男人友善地笑笑：“我们是一对同性情侣，从瑞典来南加庆祝新年的。”

我(不想和对方扯上什么关系只想把捷克女生拽到安全一点的地方去)：“那我们又不是同性恋！快走快走车快来啦！”

三个欧洲人一齐爆笑：“放轻松了啦，我们又不是什么坏人”

之后的一周捷克女生但凡见到我就对我重复我对人生中第一次遇到的两个瑞典人的那句话：“那我们又不是同性恋！”

我*咬牙切齿*：至少我穿那条裙子贼好看。

In the animated film Kiki’s Delivery Service, set in Stockholm and on Gotland Island in Sweden, there’s a line that goes: “Keep smiling and leave a good first impression.” Thinking back, my first impressions with Swedish people towards each other have been sort of strangely awkward, even a little ridiculous and inexplicable in hindsight.

《魔女宅急便》在斯京的取景地之一。/ One of the filming locations of *Kiki's Delivery Service.*

Back in high school, I was studying in a small desert town in Southern California. My roommate at the time was a Czech girl who insisted we should go out to Palm Springs to celebrate New Year’s Eve. After much pleading on her part, I gave in, put on my favorite little black dress, did my makeup, and we booked a table at my favorite local restaurant Matchbox. After dinner, since we were both under the legal drinking age in the U.S., no bar would let us in, and police were patrolling the whole area along the street.

After a few failed attempts to get in anywhere, we decided to call a cab and head home. While we were sitting on the side of the road waiting, I suddenly noticed my Czech roommate chatting up two very tall, broad-shouldered European men. Given my own sketchy experiences back in middle school—and the fact that just few days earlier she told me she and a friend of hers were almost kidnapped on a street in the Czech Republic— I looked at the body shapes of the two European men and was very confident that I would never be able to beat them if something ever happened that night, so I stood up and planned to drag her to a safer place.

Me: “What are you doing? The cab’s almost here!”

Czech roommate: “They’re from Europe as well!”

The two tall men smiled warmly and said, “We’re a gay couple, coming from Sweden to Southern California to celebrate the New Year.”

Me (just wanting to get us out of there safely, with zero interest in engaging in the conversation): “Well we’re not gay! Let’s go, let’s go, the cab’s coming!”

All three of them burst out laughing. “Relax,” one of them said, “we’re not bad people or anything.”

For the rest of that week, every time my roommate saw me, she would mimic that one line I blurted out during my first-ever encounter with Swedish people:

“We are not gay!”

Me (through gritted teeth): “At least I looked stunning in that black dress.”

高中的时候住的沙漠小镇治安很好，待过的一个住家平时出门都不上锁，氛围也是十分开明包容的，超过半数的居民都是性少数群体。有次周末晚上和同学约了去逛棕榈泉市中心每个月都会办的夜市，因为人太多自己又不是很注意，走着走着把钱包弄丢了，导致那两周过得心神不宁的。结果一天突然接到当地警察局的电话，让我去领钱包。到了警察局值班的姐姐问了我几个问题便把钱包给我了，还给我讲了来龙去脉。原来是当晚被两个当地人捡到了，一看水墨荷花中国风的钱包还以为是什么游客弄丢的，就赶紧送到警察局，警察翻到我随手夹在钱包里住在北加州叔叔的名片，便打电话去问，结果我叔叔一时没想起来他有什么认识的人住在南加州，就挂了电话，再想起我这个住在南加的人已经是两周以后了，打回电话去提供了我的联系方式让当地的警察联系我，最后的结局便是钱包拿回，里面的钱也一分未少。

When I was in high school, I lived in a small desert town with very good public safety. One of my host families never locked their doors when they went out, and the atmosphere was very open-minded and inclusive. More than half of the residents were part of the LGBTQ+ community.

One weekend evening, I made plans with some classmates to visit the monthly night market in downtown Palm Springs. There were so many people, and I wasn’t paying close attention, so I ended up losing my wallet while walking around. It made the next two weeks quite anxious for me. Then, one day, I suddenly received a call from the local police station asking me to come pick up my wallet.

When I got to the police station, the officer on duty asked me a few questions and handed me my wallet, then explained the whole situation. It turned out that two local people had found the wallet that evening. Seeing the Chinese-style design with ink wash lotus flowers painting on it, they assumed it belonged to a tourist who had lost it. So, they quickly took it to the police station. The officers found a business card of my uncle from Northern California tucked inside the wallet by me earlier, so they called him to ask about it. At first, my uncle couldn’t remember anyone he knew who lived in Southern California, so he hung up. It wasn’t until two weeks later that he suddenly remembered me living in the area and called back to provide my contact details. In the end, I got my wallet back, and not a single penny was missing.

去年到了瑞典的乌普萨拉念书，开学还没两周因为杂事众多，自行车停在公寓楼下忘了锁，钥匙也忘了拔下，再想起来已经是三天以后了，一路小跑去停车场发现自行车依旧停在原地，钥匙也插在锁上安然无恙，激动地给妈妈发消息说瑞典治安好好哦。结果不到两个月后把自行车停在市中心的时候就被人剪了锁偷走了…

我：人是不经夸的是嘛…瑞典人也一样？

其实我自行车被偷这件事好像跟瑞典人也没什么关系，后来跟中超的老板提起这件事他告诉我:嗨呀瑞典人20年前没什么移民的时候晚上睡觉都不关门的，后来移民多了治安状况也变复杂了。

听了中超老板对瑞典治安状况的评价后回忆发现跟我在上海遭遇的情境是完全相反的。在美国念高中的时候暑假会回上海的新东方学托福和SAT。一次雨天搭公交的时候因为人多，在往车上挤的时候突然感觉插在手机上的耳机线被人猛地往后一拽，耳朵里的音乐声也随之戛然而止，我心爱的索尼 L36H手机就这么被偷走了，至今还记得被来陪读的爷爷领着去警察局报案做笔录时走在路上的心情，和江南的梅雨季一样，湿漉漉的，带着初夏的闷热和雨天的阴沉。大学毕业后因为疫情从美国回到上海工作，感恩节前夕在闵行区韩国街附近的一家酒店订了只火鸡，因为在公司坐了一天班又坐了很久的班车才回到市中心，精神极度疲惫，人也变得健忘，一心只想着早点取了火鸡回家过节，结果把公司配的苹果手机和电脑落在了共享单车的车篮里，人快走到酒店前才想起，想着丢了电脑晚上没法再处理数据第二天也不知道怎样和经理交代，惊出一身冷汗的同时转头一路狂奔到街边停车的地方，发现电脑和手机都完好无损地装在车篮的电脑包里。不禁感慨上海的治安确实因为监控的普及度变高而提升了很多，路不拾遗也不再是乌托邦里的设想。不过科技是把双刃剑，在乌普萨拉念研究生的时候也在教材中读到过用监控来追踪并且针对持有不同政治观点的群众，其利弊完全取决于使用者的道德水准罢了。

后来我在瑞典公寓楼下两次停放自行车的地方转了一圈发现，第一次没有被偷是因为停在公寓楼下的车库门口，而那装了监控，第二次是因为市中心没装什么监控罢了…

Last year, I went to pursue my master’s degree in Uppsala, Sweden. It had only been less than two weeks since the start of the semester, and with so many things going on, I forgot to lock my bike and even left the key in the lock. Three days later, when I remembered, I rushed to the parking lot and found my bike still there, with the key safely in the lock. I was so relieved that I messaged my mom, expressing how safe Sweden is excitingly.

However, less than two months later, when I parked my bike in the city center, someone cut the lock and stole it...

Me: “People really don’t take compliments well... Are Swedes the same way as well?”

Actually, in hindsight, my stolen bike probably didn’t have much to do with Swedish people in particular. Later, when I mentioned it to the owner of the local Chinese supermarket, he told me, “Ah, back when there weren’t many immigrants 20 years ago, Swedes used to sleep with their doors unlocked at night. But with more immigration over the years, public safety situation becomes more complicated.”

His comment about public security in Sweden reminded me of an experience that was, interestingly, the complete opposite of what I went through in Shanghai.

Back in high school, I used to return to Shanghai during summer breaks from the US to take TOEFL and SAT prep classes at New Oriental. One rainy day, I was trying to squeeze onto a crowded bus when I suddenly felt a sharp tug on my headphone cord, and the music in my ears stopped abruptly. My beloved Sony L36H phone had been snatched right out of my pocket. I still remember the mood when I was led by my grandfather who came to accompany me to the police station to report the case. The mood was as moisty and heavy as the Jiangnan rainy season—humid, damp, with the sultry heat of early summer and the gloom of rainy days.

Years later, after graduating from college, I returned to Shanghai to work due to the pandemic. One Thanksgiving, I had ordered a turkey from a hotel near the Korean Street area in Minhang District. After a full day at the office and a long company shuttle ride back into the city, I was completely exhausted—mentally and physically. All I could think about was picking up the turkey and heading home to celebrate as quick as possible. In my foggy state, I left my work-issued iPhone and MacBook in the basket of a shared bike. I didn’t remember it until I was about to reach the hotel.

Panicked at the thought of losing the laptop—without it, I couldn’t finish analyzing data that night or explain to my manager the next day—I broke into a full sprint back to where I parked the bike. To my immense relief, the laptop and phone were still right there in the bag, untouched.

It really made me appreciate how much public safety in Shanghai had improved, especially with the widespread use of surveillance. What used to sound like a utopian fantasy—finding lost items untouched—had actually become reality.

But then again, technology is a double-edged sword. During my graduate studies in Uppsala, I came across reading materials discussing how surveillance has been used to track and target people with dissenting political views. Whether such tools do more harm or good truly on the moral standards of the users.

之前因为高中和大学在美国求学，经常在中美两国之间坐长达十几个小时的飞机，靠窗看景的新鲜感也在开头一两次的长途航程中被消磨殆尽，后来但凡再坐飞机都只会选靠走道的位置，这样在飞机封闭有限的空间内可以供自己伸展放松的空间稍微多些，自己稍长的腿也有可以在没有空姐和餐车经过的时候偶尔做做拉伸。但去斯京的时候旅行计划做得稍晚了些，买机票的时候没有选座的自由，上了飞机才发现座位在一对瑞典男女中间，飞机上的几个小时时不时就听他们隔着我用瑞典语聊天，因为部分词汇和英文发音较相似，而他们大多数时候都在讨论飞机餐和购物杂志上的免税商品，在有限话题上展开的交流所以导致自己能听懂一些对话和单词。结果当时在飞机上有多自信觉得瑞典语简单后来在学校啃瑞典语就有多抓狂。

Back when I was studying in the U.S. for high school and college, I often found myself taking long-haul flights of over ten hours between China and the States. The excitement of watching the scenery from the window wore off after the first couple of trips. After that, I would always choose an aisle seat when flying — having a bit more room to stretch out and relax made the cramped space on the plane slightly more bearable. My slightly longer legs could at least get the occasional stretch when there were no flight attendants or carts passing by.

But when I traveled to Stockholm, I booked the trip a bit late and didn’t get to choose my seat. Once I boarded, I realized I was seated between a Swedish man and woman. During the flight, they would occasionally chat across me in Swedish. Because some Swedish words sound somewhat similar to English, and since most of their conversation revolved around airplane food and the duty-free items in the shopping catalog, I found myself able to understand bits and pieces of their dialogue.

The confidence I felt on that flight—thinking “Hey, Swedish seems pretty easy!”—was later completely shattered when I actually had to study the language in school. I thought I had a natural talent for Swedish—until I sat down in class and it nearly broke me.

在去斯京的飞机上看完了伍迪艾伦的《毫无意义》，措辞幽默风趣厌世，和他拍出来的电影是同一个调子，很喜欢阅读这位导演自传中提及自己创作相关工作的部分，但还是觉得对于一些公众人物而言，作品和个人生活是要完全分开看的。大学的时候选修课选了女性研究和电影研究，所以在看电影的时候难免会带入自己的性别角色去揣测导演的意图和研究拍摄视角，发现女性作家和导演笔下或者视角下的男性角色总是太过完美主义理想化以及脱离现实，有时候需要靠看一些男导演的作品通过男性视角让他们亲自打碎女性投射到他们自身上的幻想。在这一点上觉得伍迪艾伦在他的作品里把角色塑造得非常精妙，相当贴合现实，除了展现知识分子的精神内耗，角色间诙谐高质量的对话，对于美国现代生活方式的探讨和思考，另外一个个人认为值得称道的一点是，他拍摄所有电影中唯一一位塑造得完全迎合女性观众审美趣味的角色是《开罗紫玫瑰》中的，字面意义上从荧幕上走出来的梦幻完美男主角，却是一位全然虚构的人物。陷入爱情是需要点妄想和自欺欺人的，而我大概是因为一直做不到这一点，每次总是会拿绝对的理性去压制纯粹的情感，所以从来没说服过自己去做谁的女友，但也会好奇到底以后谁会来驯服我这颗自由的灵魂，遇到真正喜欢的人的话大概又是完全不同的情形。

On the flight to Stockholm, I finished reading Apropos of Nothing by Woody Allen. The wording in this book was sharp, witty, and world-weary — exactly the same tone as many of his films. I’ve always enjoyed reading the parts of his autobiography that talk about his creative work process, but I still believe that for certain public figures, their work and their personal life should be viewed entirely separately.

Back in college, I took electives in both gender studies and film studies, so whenever I watch a movie, I can’t help but bring in my own gender perspective to speculate on the director’s intent and the lens through which the film is shot. I’ve noticed that male characters written or portrayed by female authors and directors are often overly idealized — too perfect and unrealistic. Sometimes, I need to watch male-directed films to reset that expectation, to see male characters from a male perspective and let themselves shatter those projections we as women often cast upon them.

In that regard, I think Woody Allen’s characters are especially well-crafted and close to reality. Beyond his portrayal of the inner turmoil of intellectuals and the witty, high-quality dialogue between characters, his films often offer sharp insights into the modern American lifestyle. One thing I find especially noteworthy is that, throughout all his films, there’s only one male character who seems created purely to satisfy the female gaze: the dreamlike, perfect male lead in The Purple Rose of Cairo—a literal fantasy who walks off the screen into real life.

Falling in love requires a touch of delusion, madness and self-deception. Maybe because I’ve never been able to do that—always letting absolute rationality suppress raw emotion—I’ve never managed to convince myself to be anyone’s girlfriend. Still, I can’t help but wonder who might one day tame this free-spirited soul of mine. I guess if I ever do meet someone I genuinely fall for, it’ll be a complete different story.

在阿兰达机场降落，出关的时候查阅我证件和材料的海关工作人员是一位上了年纪的瑞典男人，形象很像中世纪里油画中的角色，在问我要文件的时候因为我一时找不到有些心急，相当温和有耐心地对我讲“不着急，慢慢来。“ 出关后去行李传送带拿行李，发现阿兰达机场的墙上贴满了瑞典名人的照片和简介，作为给从世界各地来斯京的游客对于瑞典的第一印象，虽然瑞典的人口只有一千万左右，但却能以这种方式为自己的在各领域有所建树且有影响力的国民而感到自豪，实在令我印象深刻。后来到瑞典念书，每次周末假期飞出去玩后再回到阿兰达机场，看到墙上的照片总会有一种“终于回来了”的亲切和安心感。

When I landed at Arlanda Airport, the customs officer who checked my documents and paperwork was an elderly Swedish man who looked like he had stepped straight out of a medieval oil painting. As I fumbled to find the right papers and started to get a bit flustered, he gently and patiently reassured me, saying, “No rush, take your time.”

After clearing customs, I went to the baggage claim area and noticed that the walls of Arlanda Airport were covered with portraits and short bios of famous Swedes. It struck me as a thoughtful way to offer international travelers their very first impression of Sweden. Despite having a population of only around ten million, Sweden takes pride in its citizens who’ve made significant contributions across different fields—and seeing that pride displayed so openly really left an impression on me.

Later on, when I moved to Sweden for graduate school, I found that every time I flew out for a weekend trip and returned through Arlanda, seeing those same familiar photos on the walls always gave me a warm, reassuring feeling—like I was finally home again.

因为当时身上没有现金，身上唯一携带的信用卡在自动贩卖机上试了几次都被取消交易，当时对阿兰达机场也不是很熟悉，只好在优步上叫了一辆出租车，到了下榻的酒店已经是晚上七八点了，但太阳还挂在半空，拉开窗帘发现外面下起了太阳雨。来到瑞典念书后发现夏日的白昼有多美好，冬日的长夜就有多难熬。不过对瑞典人来说，只要温度没有到零下20度就都不算低温，如果实在受不了，对于当地的中产来说，去热带小岛度假也不过是一站飞机的距离罢了。

瑞典四月末的晚上八九点。/ Around eight or nine in the evening in late April in Sweden.

At the time, I didn’t have any cash on me, and the only credit card I was carrying kept getting declined by the vending machines no matter how many times I tried. Not being familiar with Arlanda Airport yet, I ended up ordering an Uber on my phone. By the time I got to the hotel, it was already around 7 or 8 in the evening—but the sun was still hanging in the sky. When I pulled back the curtains, I saw that a sunshower had started outside.

After moving to Sweden for graduate school, I quickly realized that the longer the days stretch in summer, the tougher the endless nights of winter become. But for Swedes, temperatures aren’t really considered "cold" unless it drops below -20°C. And if things do get unbearable, for the local middle class, a trip to tropical islands is just a flight away.

对着伍迪艾伦在书中提及他身处鲜花盛开的中央公园却想饮枪自尽的自白会心一笑，再从《毫无意义》的书页中抬起头，走在斯京早春风和日丽景色怡人的街头小巷，在去坐观光船的路上途径国王花园，公园里一排排的樱花树开得正盛，满园春色，游人如织，直让人感慨春天不是读书天。而我站在樱花树下，看着国王花园里的人群不论肤色种族，服饰装扮，宗教信仰，职业背景，不论带不带头巾，穿不穿纱丽，着不着教袍脸上都挂着相似的微笑和春日阳光下的樱花合影留念，和在北京机场出发前的候机室以及在阿兰达机场降落时看到的以金发碧眼长相为主的瑞典公民们是完全不同的，第一次意识到瑞典也是一个具有种族多样性和多元文化的国家。后来在瑞典语课上的代课老师也给学生展示了瑞典原住民萨米人的演示文稿，还说“瑞典一些政党是反对接纳移民的，但我完全不同意，因为移民们给瑞典带来了多元的文化。”虽然和美国相比，欧洲没有什么严格意义上的移民国家，但每次在欧洲出游，和当地人接触的时候对方一开始都会选择用本地的语言，甚至都不会用英文与我交流，完全没有疏离感。而在美国这个本就是移民国家生活的时候，美国人总是在刚认识的时候就开始刨你祖籍，在问美籍华人时收到“我就是和你一样的美国人啊”的回复还会追问“那你父母/祖父母又是从哪儿来的？”这种不算很礼貌友好的白目态度总是想让我产生以消极攻击性态度并结合美洲殖民史用随口编造的话去抢答的欲望：“我祖父母是美洲原住民耶，你又是从哪儿来的？“（美洲原住民的基因经研究发现源自东亚始祖群体，长相也和东亚人相似，基于客观事实来说，现今美洲源自欧洲的移民有一部分也是二战后迫不得已背井离乡搬去的，跟血腥的殖民史已经没什么关系。）

I couldn’t help but smile wryly at Woody Allen’s confession in his book, where he described standing in Central Park surrounded by full blooming flowers and wanting to shoot himself in the head. Lifting my eyes from the pages of Apropos of Nothing, I found myself walking through the charming streets and alleys of Stockholm, bathed in early spring sunshine. On my way to board a sightseeing boat, I passed through Kungsträdgården — King's Garden — where rows of cherry blossom trees were in full bloom. The whole park was drenched in spring, thronged with tourists, with weather like this I feel I can relate to Ferris Bueller on a spirit level.

Standing beneath the cherry blossom trees, I looked around at the crowds in King's Garden. Regardless of skin color, race, clothing, religion, or professional background — whether or not someone wore a hijab, a sari, or a robe — everyone has a smile on their face, taking photos beneath the blossoms, bathed in the golden spring sunlight. It was a striking contrast to the scene in the departure lounge at Beijing airport, or even at the moment of arrival in Arlanda, where most of the Swedish citizens had the typical look of blonde hair and blue eyes. That was the first time I truly realized: Sweden is also a racially diversed country with multi-culture.

Later on, in Swedish class, a substitute teacher gave us a presentation on the Indigenous Sámi people of Sweden. He also added, “Some political parties in Sweden are against immigration, but I completely disagree—immigrants have brought rich, diverse cultures to Sweden.”

Although, compared to the U.S., European countries are not immigrant nations in the strictest sense, I found that while traveling across Europe and interacting with locals, people would often speak to me in the local language from the beginning, not even bothering speak in English, and gives me no sense of alienation at all. Ironically, during my time living in the U.S. — a country built by immigrants — I often found Americans asking about my ancestry as soon as they met me. Even when Asian Americans would say, “I’m from here, just like you are,” they’d still get pressed: “But where are your parents or grandparents really from?”

This kind of clueless and not-so-friendly attitude always tempted me to snap back with passive-aggressive sarcasm, spiced up with reference to colonial history:
“My grandparents? They are actually Native Americans. Now where do you really come from?”

(Scientific research has shown that Native American genetic lineages trace back to East Asian ancestral groups, and their facial features often resemble East Asians too. Objectively speaking, many present-day Americans of European descent are descendants of post–World War II immigrants who had no choice but to leave their homelands. They really have little to do with the bloody colonial past.)

有一次跟妈妈聊天的时候话题不知怎么聊到了拜金女和那句在华语世界非常著名的“宁愿坐在奔驰里哭也不愿坐在自行车上笑。”

我：我小时候就坐在奔驰里因为功课没做好被你们骂哭过了，这个女的是真的不知道她自己在说什么，你们已是我最亲的人了，这种气我都受不了，很难想象纯粹为了物质生活去忍受有钱陌生老男人的日子会有多怄气，别人的钱并不能解决她人生里的问题，自己的才可以啊，在荷兰初春雨天里骑自行车反而是我最开心的回忆之一。

妈妈：诶呀那是你生活标准高嘛，别人哪里过过你的日子，她们是想做阔太太做不了，你是死活都不愿意做谁的家里蹲阔太太，你骑自行车也是在荷兰啊，你要代入别人的视角看啊。

我：那她可以去车行租一个下午的豪车或者去4S店要求试驾感受一下啊，不贵还不用怄气。

妈妈：我的意思是你代入她的视角…

我：那对我而言就是每天开直升飞机上下班？他以为他是谁啊?!狗血偶像剧男主还是索尼全盛时期的盛田昭夫啊?!而且一点都不sustainable欸！我还是笑不出来！更不情愿坐在里面哭了！

One time I was chatting with my mom, and somehow the topic drifted to gold-diggers and that infamous line from the Chinese-speaking world:
"I'd rather cry in a Mercedes than laugh on a bicycle."

Me: "I literally cried in a Mercedes as a kid because you guys scold at me for not doing well in school. That woman clearly has no idea what she’s talking about. You two are the people I’m closest to in this world, and even then, I couldn’t take it. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to tolerate some rich, older stranger just for a luxurious lifestyle. That kind of life would be suffocating. Someone else’s money isn’t going to fix her life—only her own can. One of my happiest memories is actually riding a bike in the rain during early spring in the Netherlands."

Mom: "Well, that’s because your standard of living is high. She probably never lived like you did. Some women want to be rich housewives but can’t. You, on the other hand, absolutely refuse to be someone’s kept woman, even if you could. And besides, you were riding that bike in the Netherlands. Try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes."

Me: "She could just rent a luxury car for one afternoon or go to a dealership and request a test drive. It’s not expensive, and she wouldn’t have to suffer emotionally either."

Mom: "That’s not what I meant—I meant really see things from her perspective..."

Me: "From my perspective, that would be like commuting by helicopter every day? Who does he think he is?! Some cliché drama male lead? Or Sony’s founder Akio Morita?! Plus, that lifestyle isn’t even sustainable! I still wouldn’t be able to laugh. And there’s no way I’d willingly sit in that helicopter and cry either!"

就个人而言人在上海最为自在的一段时光就是住在浦东闹市区的出租屋每天去苹果打工的日子。上海本地人中有一句话，宁要浦西一张床不要浦东一套房，当时家在静安有公寓，就是单纯为了证明自己跑出来，拒绝父母给自己介绍的工作，铺设好的生活，以及介绍的对象们，每天住出租屋搭班车去上海市郊完全靠自己的薪水当工程师，周末去划小船看电影欣赏浮世绘展坐黄浦江上的轮渡把自行车从浦东骑到浦西同志同道合的朋友去波兰餐馆吃午饭，唯一的烦恼就是当时一心只想认真工作好好生活却一直被介绍庸俗无聊的男的，妄想把我这颗自由的灵魂套牢。平时周末只是喜欢去有现场演出的地方喝喝饮料和啤酒，听听音乐，都要被指责是生活作风有问题不顾家的坏女人。能意识到自己的一些言论和观点脱离特定的语境在别人眼中相当过分，也能完整地背诵出《了不起的盖茨比》的开头全文，只能说，个体感受因个人经历因人而异罢了。向上攀爬难度较高，向下滑坡也没有想象中的简单易控，只是想尽自己的努力，跳出世俗框架活出精彩人生。

Personally speaking, the time when I felt the most at ease in Shanghai was when I lived in a rented apartment in the downtown area of Pudong, went to work at the Apple every day. There’s a saying among the locals in Shanghai: "I'd rather have a bed in Puxi than a whole apartment in Pudong." At the time, my family had an apartment for me in Jing’an District, but I moved out purely to prove myself. I rejected the jobs and life my parents had arranged for me, including the people they tried to convince me to marry. I lived in a rented place, took the bus to work as an engineer in the outskirts of Shanghai, and earned my own salary. On weekends, I would go kayaking, watch movies, admire ukiyo-e exhibitions, ride my bike from Pudong to Puxi by taking the ferry on the Huangpu River, have lunch with equal-minded friend at Polish restaurant, while my only trouble was constantly being introduced to dull, mundane men who fantasized about trapping my free spirit with marriage.

On weekends, I simply enjoyed going to places with live performances to drink a little, listen to music, and relax from work, but I was criticized for having a problematic lifestyle and being a bad woman who didn’t care about family life. I became aware that some of my views and statements, when taken out of context, seemed extreme to others in eastern Asia society. I could even recite the entire opening of The Great Gatsby word for word. But I can only say that individual experiences and feelings are subjective and vary greatly from person to person. Climbing upwards is difficult, and sliding down is not as easy or controllable as one might imagine. All I wanted was to do my best, break free from societal expectations, and live a wonderful life.

来到斯德哥尔摩，走在在初春阳光普照的大街上经常可以看到坐在单车上面带笑容出行的一家三口，可见生活质量是确实不能用单一的物质条件去衡量的。路上开的大多是一些混动减排的欧系和日系车，名牌车也不少，在斯京度过的两三日，走在街上唯一见到外型比较张扬的大排量豪车也不过是一辆奔驰。到瑞典念书后和当地的同学朋友交流的过程中也发现，因为贫富差距较小，大家似乎都不怎么在乎物质上的东西，也很少有攀比和仇富的现象。回忆在上海念托福的时候，虽然大家都是年纪相仿的初高中生，只是听到我是来自人口只有七百万的中国小城市后，几位上海土著便看人下菜碟，认定我是什么穷人到上海来攀亲附贵的，对我爱答不理，请教他们课业相关的问题也装作完全没听见的样子。后来开始上写作课，按新来的老师要求重新做了一轮自我介绍，这次大家被问到都在哪儿上学，听说我是在美国加州念高中后，几位上海土著的态度突然来了个180度转变，听觉障碍也突然不治而愈，问他们问题也乐意回答了。在大学约同学出来吃饭的时候和她同来的女生因为看我穿的是很普通的学校发的T恤和便服，对我说话语气相当轻慢，在听到同学介绍我住在学校附近的高档公寓后态度也如那几个上海土著一般，立刻换上了一副讨好的嘴脸。后来再回上海念SAT课程的时候，因为班上都是上海国际学校或者从小就去美国念书的学生，从小就受西方文化影响较深，没有国内念书的学生还未成年就那么强的等级观念，大家相处得还算融洽。来到瑞典后也试探过一些当地同学朋友对物质生活和贫富差距的态度，结果就是当天下课后跟妈妈视频说：“妈妈瑞典人好淡定哦，无论我怎么扮穷装富他们还是同样的态度对我耶！一点都不变的！”而且平时跟同学朋友聊天请教一些问题对方也是诚恳地回答，也从不对我作批判，在国内那种一句话说出去三天后再添油加醋传回你耳朵里的情况也没有发生过。斯德哥尔摩街头的成年人穿衣风格主要以黑白灰极简风为主，没什么大的logo，低调简约但面料看上去都很有质感的样子，穿在个子高高五官立体精致的瑞典人身上也显得格外高级，感觉和在哥本哈根和赫尔辛基街头和成衣店看到的情境类似，但是和衣着颜色单调的成年人完全相反，在斯德哥尔摩见到的小孩子们个个都打扮得花枝招展五彩缤纷的，把这一观察回去后讲给妈妈听，她坐在厚厚的一摞医学书后面头也不抬回复：“小孩子穿花一点属于感官刺激利于视觉发展”。物质生活水平相对平均，便普遍会对精神世界的构建和在生活细节上有些追求。在斯京每次路过街边餐馆的桌椅的时候，总会在桌上看到店家陈置的花束和茶烛，每家都不一样，小小的一簇或一盏放在桌子上，可爱又不失情趣，见了很喜欢，在老城区的精品店买了两个手工制的陶艺小花瓶带回去放在书架上，并买了几朵花插上，每次下班回家看到顿感疲惫的情绪也消散了一些。从马路上大人牵着小孩的人行道路标，再到公共场所四处可见婴儿车出行友好的楼梯街道，瑞典人对孩童的关爱和家庭生活的重视可谓细致入微，体现在方方面面。又因为在北欧男女的社会地位相对平等，所以经常可以看到瑞典男人一手推着婴儿车一手拿着咖啡带小孩出来放风，男子气概也没有因此受到丝毫折损。

斯德哥尔摩街头衣着鲜亮的小孩子。/ Brightly dressed children on their scooters on the streets of Stockholm.

When I arrived in Stockholm and walked down the sunny streets in early spring, I often saw a smiling family of three riding their bikes together, which shows that the quality of life cannot be measured by material conditions alone. Most of the cars on the road are hybrid, low-emission European and Japanese models, and there are quite a few luxury cars as well. During the three days I spent in Stockholm, the only flashy, large-displacement luxury car I saw on the street was a Mercedes. After I started studying in Sweden and interacted with local classmates and friends, I realized that because the wealth gap is relatively small, people don’t seem to care much about material things, and there’s rarely any sense of comparison or resentment towards the rich.

I recall the time when I was studying for the TOEFL in Shanghai. Even though my classmates and I were all around the same age, high school students in the same class, when they found out I was from a small Chinese city with a population of only 7 million, a few local Shanghai locals looked down on me. They assumed I was some poor person who came to Shanghai to climb the social ladder and ignored me. When I asked them academic-related questions, they pretended that they did not hear me. Later, when the writing class began and the newly arrived teacher asked us to reintroduce ourselves, especially mention where we all went to school, things changed. When they learned I was attending high school in California, their attitude completely flipped 180 degrees. Their hearing problem suddenly disappeared, and they were more than willing to help with my questions.

When I went out to eat with a classmate in college, the other girls who came with her treated me with a rather condescending tone because I was wearing the University’s merch T-shirt and casual clothes. However, after hearing the other girl mentioned that I lived in a high-end apartment near the university, the girl’s attitude shifted just like the Shanghai locals'. She immediately started flattering me. Later, when I returned to Shanghai for SAT courses, my classmates at the time were mostly from international schools or had been studying in the U.S. from a young age, deeply influenced by Western values. These students, unlike those in domestic schools, didn’t have such strong class-consciousness from a young age, so we got along quite well.

After I came to Sweden, I tested the local classmates' attitudes toward material life and wealth inequality in a subtle way. After class, I video-called my mom and said: "Mom, Swedish people are so chill! No matter how I try to act poor or rich, they still treat me the same! They don’t change at all!" Whenever I asked classmates for help, they provide me with support sincerely, without judgment, and the kind of gossip and exaggeration I used to experience in China never happened.

街边餐厅桌上摆放的小花。/ Small flowers placed on the restaurant’s table on the side of the street.

On the streets of Stockholm, the adults typically dress in a minimalist style, predominantly in black, white, and gray. There are no big logos, and the clothes are simple but look high-quality, which suits the tall, well-featured Swedish people perfectly. It felt similar to what I saw on the streets of Copenhagen and Helsinki, but in contrast to the adults' monochromatic outfits, the children I saw in Stockholm were dressed in bright, colorful clothes. When I told my mom about this observation, she replied without lifting her head from a stack of medical books: "Children's clothing should be colorful for sensory stimulation to benefit visual development." With a relatively equal standard of living, there’s more attention to the development of the spiritual world and to pursuing the finer details of life. In Stockholm, every time I passed by a restaurant with outdoor seating, I would always notice a small bouquet of flowers or a candle placed on each table — each one is different. These tiny arrangements were so cute and charming. I bought two handmade ceramic vases from a boutique in the Gamla Stan and placed them on my bookshelf, filling them with flowers. Every time I came home from work and saw them, a bit of my fatigue seemed to fade away.

From the pedestrian signs showing adults holding children’s hands on the streets to the stroller-friendly stairs and streets in public places, the care Swedish people show for children and family life is evident in every aspect. Because of the relatively equal social status between men and women in Scandinavia, it’s common to see Swedish men pushing strollers with one hand and holding a coffee with the other while taking their kids out for enjoying fresh air, and their masculinity is not diminished in the slightest.

到瑞典念书之后，发现大多数人都对自己相对不熟悉的文化环境都有一种不切实际的幻想。在学校认识的一个华裔女生说自己在欧洲待够了，就算是在欧洲出生长大好像也很难做到完全融入，大学毕业后想去东亚国家或者新加坡讲中文且和自己家庭文化背景相似的地方发展，我听了只能告诉她说，那你要做好刚毕业小小年纪就被全东亚社会逼婚以及应对其他具有东亚特色的压力的准备哦，他们也永远不可能像对待欧洲人一样对待你的，因为你我的长相放在这里，除非你打算一直跟他们讲英文，完全不学当地的语言，刻意营造距离感，因为他们一旦把你当同类看待，强加在你身上东亚社会中的一些难以言明的世俗教条和清规戒律对于在西方世界生活长大的人来说是相当难以接受甚至是残忍且毁灭心智的，对我而言出门在外承受被人种族歧视的风险总要被自己家人当异类看待心理上来讲好处理多了。但个人感受又会因为个人经历因人而异，跟在Nation 认识一个的瑞典男生在工作间隙闲聊的时候提到说他的女朋友是从中国领养的，也回中国玩过几次，但完全没有将来回去发展的打算，因为和之前认识的华裔女生交换的一些看法，便对他女朋友的身份认同产生了好奇心，追问下去这个男生告诉我说他的女朋友有时候甚至会跟他讲她比他还要跟像个瑞典人，并给我看了照片，虽然是亚裔的面孔但看上去确实是很常见的当地瑞典女生的打扮，给我的感觉很像在美国见到的ABC (美籍华人)。一周后遇到他们来Nation和朋友社交聚餐，看她站在她的男朋友和一群亚裔及瑞典朋友身边也是一副松弛感十足且神采奕奕的典型瑞典女生的模样，完全没有亚洲女生身上常见的做什么都有些紧绷矜持和畏手畏脚的样子。结合自己的教育背景和个人经历又再一次觉得，在外待久了，他乡已成另一种意义上的故乡，而故乡已然却成他乡。

After coming to Sweden to study, I realized that most people tend to have an unrealistic fantasy about a cultural environment they're not familiar with. A Sweden born Chinese girl I met at school said she had had enough of living in Europe, and even though she was born and raised in Europe, it was still difficult for her to fully integrate. After graduating from college, she wanted to move to an East Asian country or Singapore, places where Chinese is spoken as a commonly used language, and the cultural background is more similar to her own. I could only tell her that she should be prepared for the pressure of being forced into marriage by all of East Asian society at a young age just after graduation, and they will never treat you the way they treat Europeans, given our appearance here, unless she plans to speak in only English with them, refuse to learn the local language, and deliberately create distance, because once they view you as one of them, they will impose the subtle societal norms and moral codes of East Asian societies on you. These things can be extremely difficult, even cruel and mentally damaging, for someone raised in the Western world to accept. For me, the risk of being racially discriminated against outside my home country is easier to handle psychologically than being seen as an outsider by my own family. However, individual experiences do vary, and people's personal feelings differ based on their own journeys throughout life.

When chatting with a Swedish guy I met at Nation during a break at work, he mentioned that his girlfriend was adopted from China and had visited China a few times, but she had no intention of returning there to live. After exchanging views with the Sweden born Chinese girl, I became curious about his girlfriend’s sense of identity and questioned him further. He told me that sometimes his girlfriend even says she’s even more Swedish than he does, and he showed me her picture. Although she had Asian features, she looked like a typical Swedish girl in her appearance and style, which made me feel like she was similar to the ABCs (American-born Chinese) I’d seen back in the U.S.

A week later, I saw the couple at Nation with friends, and when I saw her standing next to her boyfriend and a group of Asian and Swedish friends, she looked relaxed and full of life, embodying the typical Swedish girl vibe. She didn’t have the stiff, reserved, and cautious demeanor often seen in many Asian girls. Reflecting on my own educational background and personal experiences, I once again felt that after living abroad for so long, the foreign land has turned into a kind of second hometown, while my original hometown now feels like a foreign land.

在斯德哥尔摩的第一个下午，阳光天气正好，空着飘着印象派油画里的云彩，天像是被特易调制的漆刷出来的一样蓝得很独特，和自己最喜欢的蓝绣球花是近似的色号，心情也相当愉悦，一步三跳去码头买了观光船的船票，价格也不算贵，和在斯京一餐饭的花费差不多。

登船之前收到了父亲的微信消息：“在瑞士玩得还开心啊？”

我：（欲语还休）

几次在对话框里打出“我来的是瑞典不是瑞士！“想要纠正父亲，但又删掉了，因为觉得靠着三个英文单词（This That Five，在我上游泳课的时候他自己去买游泳眼镜用这三个词和店家对答如流）并全程依靠我当翻译横闯加州的父亲大概率是不需要知道瑞典和瑞士的区别的，就算将来到瑞典来看我不出意外也会是和在加州一样的情况，全程依靠我当导游地陪和翻译罢了。又不想扫他关心女儿的兴致，遂回复：“嗯，蛮开心的。”结果开学到了瑞典让父亲帮我缴话费的时候他因为分不清瑞典和瑞士给我缴成了瑞士法郎·····…

父亲：有什么区别吗？

我：（欲语泪先流）

On my first afternoon in Stockholm, the weather was perfect, with clouds floating in the sky like something out of an Impressionist painting. The sky was a unique shade of blue, as if painted with a special brush, almost the same color as my favorite blue hydrangeas. I was in a great mood, bouncing my way to the dock to buy a ticket for the sightseeing boat. The price wasn't too bad, about the same as one meal in Stockholm.

Just before boarding the boat, I received a WeChat message from my father: "Are you having fun in Switzerland?"

Me: (on the verge of speaking but holding back)

For a few times, I typed "I’m in Sweden, not Switzerland!" to correct him, but deleted it. I figured my father, who had once relied on just three English words (This, That, Five) manage to navigate a store in California and bought some swimming goggles (guess how many he got) on his own while I was in swimming class— and always depended on me to translate— probably didn’t need to know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland. Even if he came to visit me in Sweden someday in the future, it would likely be the same situation as when he visited California, with me acting as his guide and translator.

I didn’t want to spoil his enthusiasm for checking in on his daughter, so I replied: " Yeah, I’m having fun."

经典网络迷因再现：去码头整点薯条。/ The classic internet meme revived: Fries on the pier.

Where does this lead to? When I asked my father to help pay for my phone bill after I started school in Sweden, he mistakenly paid it in Swiss Francs...
Father: “What’s the difference?”

Subtitle Translation: I’m literally gonna cry if you don’t stop talking.

Me: (fighting back tears)

登上游船在斯京四周的河道游览了一圈，在前排找了个空位坐下插上随行程附送的讲解器，把身侧的舷窗拉下来一些，让斯京早春还带有一丝寒意的风吹去脸上一些被阳光晒出的暖意，经过当地岛上的度假别墅的四周看到有人在划皮划艇，游船驶过一个尖尖屋顶的建筑的时候讲解器里介绍说那是一家百年前就建好的养老院，现今还在使用当时装配的热水系统和电梯，几十年前的作为工业区的小岛也没有被完全废弃，而是被重新整改，作为斯京旅游娱乐产业的一部分。走下船，因为记得国王花园旁的小亭子有冰淇淋卖，便走去买来和瑞典的经典小吃热狗坐到码头河岸边的长椅上一边吹风赏景一边吃，背后蓝天白云下的大酒店墙上插得各国旗帜随风飘扬，很像电影里的场景，看着半空飞翔的几只海鸥，觉得好不惬意。

I boarded the sightseeing boat and took a tour around the canals of Stockholm. I found an empty seat in the front row, inserted the provided audio guide, and lowered the window beside me a bit, letting the early spring breeze with a hint of chill to brush the warmth of the sun off my face. As we passed by vacation villas on the local island, I saw people kayaking. When the boat sailed past a building with a pointed roof, the audio guide mentioned that it was a nursing home built over a hundred years ago, still using the original hot water system and elevator. One island, once an industrial area, hadn't been completely abandoned but had been repurposed and renovated as part of Stockholm’s tourism and entertainment industry.

After getting off the boat, I remembered that there was ice cream sold at a small pavilion next to the Kungsträdgården, so I went there to get one. As I sat down on a bench by the pier, enjoying a classic Swedish snack — a hot dog — along with the ice cream, behind me, the flags of various countries fluttered in the breeze on the wall of the Grand Hôtel under the blue sky and white clouds, making it feel like a scene from a movie. Watching a few seagulls fly overhead, I felt utterly at ease.

到今天为止在中国美国包括瑞典本土的宜家都吃过很多次瑞典国菜肉丸土豆泥配越橘酱了，其中给我个人感觉最正宗的还是在哥德堡当地餐馆吃到的，应该是手工制的肉丸，口感非常扎实，一口咬下去可以感受到肉质纤维在齿间弹开，浇在土豆泥上的肉汁浓郁醇厚，个人口味而言偏咸，可能是瑞典人均健身率比较高因此导致的盐量摄入较高的缘故。这个问题我也问过瑞典人，他们自己好像也没有什么明确的答案，反而是在Nation当厨子的一个澳大利亚人在这个问题上颇有他自己的见解：他们这就两种调料，盐和胡椒罢了。

我: 那肉桂呢? 肉桂卷不是瑞典的国民点心? 我吃上瘾了都。

对方: 那就算他们有三种呗。

在哥德堡当地餐厅吃到的正宗瑞典国菜肉丸土豆泥腌黄瓜配越橘酱。/ The authentic Swedish national dish meatballs, mashed potatoes, pickled cucumbers and lingonberry sauce at a local restaurant in Gothenburg.

自己后来在公寓尝试制作的瑞典肉丸。/ My attempt of making Swedish meatballs at home.

Up until today, I’ve had my share of Swedish meatballs with mashed potatoes and lingonberry sauce many times at IKEA in China, the U.S., and even in Sweden itself. Personally, I think the most authentic version I’ve had was at a local restaurant in Gothenburg. I’m pretty sure that the meatballs served there were handmade, with a very firm texture. When I took a bite, I could feel the meat fibers springing apart between my teeth. The gravy poured over the mashed potatoes was rich and hearty. In terms of personal taste, I found it a bit too salty, which might be because Swedes have a relatively high fitness rate, which leads to higher salt consumption. I asked some Swedes about this, but they didn’t seem to have a clear answer. However, an Australian chef who worked at Nation had his own take on the matter: "They literally ONLY have TWO spices here in Sweden, SALT and pepper."

Me: What about cinnamon? Isn’t cinnamon bun considered a national snack in Sweden? I’ve grown addicted to it.

The chef: Well, then let’s say they have three spices.

在斯德哥尔摩的法餐厅Brasserie Bobonne 吃新年前的最后一餐。/ Had the last meal of the year at the French restaurant Brasserie Bobonne in Stockholm.

斯京跨年夜的烟花。/ New Year's Eve fireworks in Stockholm

中国人注重养生，吃饭的时候爱煲热汤来配饭菜喝，看重去阴补阳，所以爱喝开水这一具有中国特色的习惯就这样流传开来，并继而成为海外华人的刻板印象之一。听说但凡在欧美餐厅听到有谁要热水喝的，必定是个中国顾客。而美国人却恰恰相反，日常生活中是极爱喝凉水的，电热水壶在美国甚至都不算常用家电，一次室友为了泡茶喝直接把茶杯接满水放进微波炉里加热。导致我每次放假从南加州的沙漠回家，出于习惯打开一瓶冰镇饮料配饭吃的时候总会被父母劝导，让我注意健康，多喝热汤。

我*有些委屈*：我看你们在美国出差旅行的时候喝饮料喝冰水也喝得挺开心的也没问店家要热水？

到了瑞典发现，当地的水源也都是可供人直饮的，渴了拧开水龙头接上一杯就行，但在国内工作生活了三年，到了瑞典半年多还是会习惯性地把水烧开再喝。

海外生活多年，冰镇饮料配正餐已成习惯。/ After living overseas for many years, it has become a habit for me to have iced drinks with meals.

Chinese people place a strong emphasis on health and wellness, and it’s common to drink hot soup with meals in China. There’s a focus on balancing the body by expelling cold and supplementing warmth, which is why the habit of drinking hot water — something uniquely Chinese — has been passed down and later became one of the stereotypes about Chinese who live abroad. I’ve heard that whenever someone asks for hot water in a restaurant in Europe or America, it’s definitely a Chinese customer. On the other hand, Americans love to drink cold water in their daily lives. Electric kettles aren't even a common kitchen appliance in the U.S. Once, a roommate of mine wanted to make tea, so she just filled a teacup with water and put it in the microwave to heat it. As a result, every time I return home from the desert in Southern California for the holidays, out of habit, I’d open a bottle of refrigerated drink to go with my meal, only to be advised by my parents to pay attention to my stomach health and I should drink more hot soup.

Me (a bit aggrieved): "I saw you guys drinking iced drinks and water just fine when you were on business trips or vacations in the U.S., and you never asked the restaurant for hot water!"

When I arrived in Sweden, I found that the local water sources are drinkable straight from the tap — I can just turn on the faucet and fill a cup like I did back in the U.S. But after working and living in China for three years, even though I’ve been in Sweden for over half a year, I still habitually boil the water before drinking it.

在美国念高中的时候最喜欢的住家是瑞典移民的后代，有着甜甜的笑容和焦糖色的浅棕卷发，数起来已经是第三代移民了，但在生活习惯上还是保留了一些瑞典人的行事风格，送我去学校从来没迟到过，平时相处起来给人感觉也是充满理解与包容的。有时候会做一些欧洲菜来给我吃，当时不知道来源和出处，就默认是普通美国菜，家里也常备了很多调料，肉桂就是其中一种。在美国也接触过肉桂卷，回想起来跟在瑞典吃到的肉桂的味道比要冲很多，觉得闻着相当难受，记得每次在超市商场遇到都让我避之不及，可能是跟美国物质产能过剩什么都跟不要钱一样过量放的原因，也可能是当时作为青少年的我五感还没发展完全，就和小时候觉得青菜吃起来很苦，难以下咽，成年后就再也没吃出青菜的苦味一样，小孩子的感官似乎是要比成年人更敏感一些的。

When I was in high school in the U.S., my favorite host family mom was the descendants of Swedish immigrants. She had sweet smiles and caramel-colored light brown curly hair, and she was already third-generation immigrants. But in terms of living habits, they still retained some Swedish ways of doing things. She never drives me to school late, and our interactions were always full of understanding and tolerance. Sometimes, she would make European dishes for me as lunch or dinner, and at the time, I didn’t know their origin, so I just assumed they were common American dishes. They also kept a lot of spices at home, with cinnamon being one of them.

I had also tried cinnamon rolls in the U.S., and looking back, the cinnamon flavor was much stronger compared to what I had in Sweden, and I found it quite unpleasant. I remember always avoiding them whenever I encounter them in supermarkets or malls. This might be due to the excessiveness of American mass production, where everything is over-flavored as if it's completely free, or it might be that, as a teenager, my senses weren't fully developed. Just like how as a child, I thought bok choy tasted quite bitter, but as an adult, I no longer taste the bitterness of bok choy, it seems that children's senses are more sensitive than those of adults.

决定来瑞典念书之后开始自学瑞典语，觉得瑞典语尤其是斯德哥尔摩口音听上去很可爱，其中“i”的发音方式太过独特，所以开学的时候很容易辨认出哪些瑞典的当地同学是自斯德哥尔摩来的，也很幸运在学校提供的免费的瑞典语课占到了座，但想要精通一门语言是很难速成的，高中才到美国的时候也花了近两个月的时间才完全适应全英文的环境，来到瑞典之后因为英语普及率高(经典场景:瑞典人*一口流利的英音/美式英语*：我很抱歉我的英文讲得很糟糕，我: ?)，科技发展迅速，各种翻译软件的精准度也有明显的提升，自己在语言学习上反而变得有些疏忽了。回想起来第一个学会的瑞典语单词是“Slut”(不是英文里那个意思)，电影片尾的结束语。因为自己偏内向的性格，又出于社交的需求和平时有在把做菜当正经爱好，还是《厨艺大师》之类烹饪实境秀的忠实粉丝，所以每个月会在公寓里请同学朋友来吃饭小聚。一次因为考试周课业繁忙又需要一条鲜鱿鱼和虎皮虾做菜单上的西班牙海鲜饭和炸鱿鱼圈，学校附近的超市商场又没有卖的，便在群里问有谁最近可以去斯京的海鲜市场帮我买了带回学校，在Nation参加活动时认识的瑞典小孩：我在斯德哥尔摩念书诶我帮你带！我发了地址店名过去还附上了一张海鲜市场的照片圈出了虎皮虾的位置然后就安心准备考试了。考试结束在储物柜拿了手机收到瑞典小孩的消息说海鲜买到了但鱿鱼好贵好贵，还说很不好意思要帮我付一半的价格，一问价格确实算是过分的程度，是平时我自己去买的时候的三倍多，晚上瑞典小孩来送海鲜，我把鱿鱼从袋子里拿出来看的时候直接惊到尖叫出声，大小是我平时在同一家买到的四五倍，总觉得是店家看对方年纪小好欺负讹了他，之后问了细节听他描述更觉得他是被讹了“我下了课没有换工作服就去了，卖海鲜的女店员对我好凶哦”。给了瑞典小孩钱接过海鲜就回家放冰箱里了也没有多想，直到第二天准备食材的时候把那条足以喂饱一个村庄的“大鱿鱼”拿出来准备洗干净处理了，放到碗里拍照的时候突然意识到那根本就不是鱿鱼而是一条章鱼，气到当场直接骂出了声。因为大学学的是化学相关的专业，在专业课和实验课上受到的训练都是对待各种化学试剂的时候用量和操作都要精准和极致细心，而且觉得做菜的过程和做实验极尽类似，所以总是代入平时上实验课的态度在处理食材。把章鱼刚拿出来就突然想起晚上在Nation有工作要做，气冲冲地出门，路上用手机搜了一下发现鱿鱼和章鱼在瑞典语里是同一个单词：bläckfisk (中文直译: 墨鱼) ，走到Nation发现正好是那个瑞典小孩在前台工作，看他笑眯眯的样子无名火突然消失得无影无踪，走到他面前发问：鱿鱼用瑞典语怎么讲？

瑞典小孩：Bläckfisk :D

我：章鱼用瑞典语怎么讲？

瑞典小孩：Bläckfisk :D

我：你是还没意识到我问你这两个问题是什么意思是吗…？

瑞典小孩：我问了他们坚持就只有那一种Bläckfisk啊 :D

我：你这个小孩…算了算了……

走到厨房突然想起来自己从来没有处理过章鱼也不知道能不能用章鱼做海鲜饭，无名火又起，开始对着厨房里煎汉堡的澳洲厨子发作：诶哟我要怎么办嘛！鬼知道章鱼和鱿鱼在瑞典语里是同一个词啊！我上次在家做海鲜饭的时候我妈把鱿鱼切错了就差点没把我给气死！我直接冲去超市重新买了一条自己重做！那我现在要怎么办！飞去斯德哥尔摩从海里捞条鲜的嘛？！明天就要请客吃饭了哪里再来得及买啊！我能冲谁生气啊！？他就是个小孩！我哪能怪他嘛！我该怪发明瑞典语的人吗！？谁用章鱼做过海鲜饭和炸鱿鱼圈啊？！要是你去买的话就不可能出这种岔子，因为你讲英文啊！我为什么就偏偏没给他发鱿鱼的照片！你是澳洲人！你们那海鲜很多诶！你知道怎么做章鱼嘛？！鬼知道怎么做章鱼啊！

澳洲厨子和在厨房帮忙的瑞典女生朋友看我发作的时候爆笑。

澳洲厨子：我们那只有鱿鱼哦，我可不知道怎么处理章鱼的~

瑞典朋友：消消气啦消消气，把这两盘菜给楼上送过去。

在Nation工作的另一个瑞典男生走进厨房：天哪方圆十里的父老乡亲都能听见你发火的声音耶。

接过菜路过前台，瑞典小孩看见我一脸紧张：对不起哦…

我*无名火又突然无影无踪*：不是你的错啦不过算你长得可爱，换作是那个澳洲厨子给我出这种岔子我早把他沉进波罗的海喂鲨鱼。

当晚在Nation工作间隙但凡闲下来放松：

澳洲厨子:章鱼~:D

瑞典朋友:鱿鱼~:D

我*(╬≖_≖)*：￥#%@#￥&*%￥#￥￥&￥#%#￥%#￥%

算是理解了为什么戈登·拉姆齐在节目上总是满口国粹看上去一副情绪失控的样子，也就拍小小厨神的时候态度比较亲和只会说“棒极了亲爱的棒极了”。另，在瑞典打骂小孩违法罢了。

拍下这张照片的瞬间意识到这是条章鱼而不是鱿鱼。/ The moment I took this photo I realized it was an octopus instead of a squid.

After making the decision of studying in Sweden, I began self-learning Swedish. I found the Swedish pronunciation, especially the Stockholm accent, quite cute. The way they pronounce "i" is so unique that I could easily recognize which local Swedish classmates came from Stockholm as soon as school started. I was lucky enough to secure a spot in the free Swedish language class offered by the school. However, mastering a language is not something that can be done quickly. When I first went to the U.S. for high school, it took me nearly two months to fully adapt to the all-English environment. After arriving in Sweden, with the high English proficiency rate (classic scene: Swedish person speaking fluent British/American English: "I’m sorry, my English is so bad," me: ?), rapid technological development, and improved translation software accuracy, I found myself neglecting my Swedish language learning.

跨年夜在斯京自挪威来的朋友租住的爱彼迎墙上看到对瑞典语初学者友好的挂钟。/ On New Year's Eve celebrated in Stockholm, saw a clock with instruction that was friendly to Swedish beginners on the wall of the Airbnb that my friends visiting from Norway rented.
Go to hel :D

Looking back, the first Swedish word I learned was "Slut" (which, in this case, doesn’t mean the same thing in English), meaning "the end" of the movies. Due to my introverted nature and my passion for cooking, also as a loyal fan of cooking reality shows such as "MasterChef", I often invited classmates and friends over for dinner parties. Once, during exam week, I needed fresh squid and tiger prawns for Spanish paella and fried calamari, but the supermarket near the school didn’t sell them. So, I asked in a group chat if anyone could help me to buy them from the seafood market in Stockholm. A Swedish kid I met at Nation said, "I study in Stockholm; I can help you!" I sent the address, the name of the store, and even a photo of the seafood market with the tiger prawn marked and then went on to focus on my studies.

斯德哥尔摩的渔市。/ Fish market at Östermalms in Stockholm.

After the exam, when I went to pick up my phone at the locker, I received a message from the Swedish kid saying the seafood was bought but the squid was really expensive. He even apologized and offered to pay half the price. When I checked with him, the price was indeed excessive, more than three times what I usually paid. That evening, when the Swedish kid delivered the seafood, I took the squid out of the bag and immediately screamed in shock — the size was four or five times bigger than what I usually bought from the same store. I felt the store probably took advantage of him because of his age and young appearance. Later, when I asked for the details, I found out that he probably had been treated unfairly: "I went without changing out of my work clothes, and the cashier lady at the fish market was kinda rude to me."

在斯德哥尔摩市中心美食广场的土耳其点心店买了一盒点心后店家附送的试吃品。/ The free tasting sample I recieved after getting a box of treats from a Turkish dessert shop at the Hötorgshallen in central Stockholm.

I paid him for the seafood and put them in the fridge without thinking much more about it. However, the next day, when I was preparing the ingredients and took out the giant squid to clean and process it, I realized that it wasn’t squid at all—it was an octopus. I was so furious that I cussed loud. Since I majored in chemistry in college, I was trained to be extremely precise and careful with every chemical reagent in my major courses and lab work, and I always taking cooking the same way. So, when I saw the octopus, I immediately thought, "What should I do?!" I searched online and found out that squid and octopus are referred to by the same word in Swedish: bläckfisk (literally translated to "inkfish" ).

斯德哥尔摩市中心美食广场的拉面店。/ Ramen Shop at Hötorgshallen.

Later, as I walked into Nation, and I saw the Swedish kid, who was working at the front desk, greeted me with a smile. Seeing him, somehow all my anger suddenly disappeared. I asked, "How do you say squid in Swedish?"

Swedish kid: Bläckfisk :D

Me: "How about octopus in Swedish?"

Swedish kid: Bläckfisk :D

Me: "You still don’t realize why I ask you these two questions, do you...?"

Swedish kid: "I asked them, and they insisted it's only kind of Bläckfisk They have that day." :D

Me: "You child... never mind, never mind then..."

I then realized I had never dealt with octopus before and didn't even know if it could be used for paella as I walked into the kitchen at the Nation. My frustration flared up again, and I started ranting to the Australian chef in the kitchen, "What should I do?! Who knows octopus and squid are the same word in Swedish?! When I made paella at home one time, my mom cut the squid in a wrong way, and it nearly drove me crazy! I had to go back to the store and buy a new one myself. What should I do now?! Fly to Stockholm to get a fresh one straight out of the ocean? I have guests coming over tomorrow! Who do I even get mad at?! He’s just a kid! I cannot blame him! Should I blame the person who invented Swedish language then? Who even makes paella or fried calamari with octopus?! If it’s you had gone to Stockholm and bought it, this would have never happened because you’d order them in English! Why didn’t I send him a photo of the squid?! You’re Australian! You guys have a lot of seafood there, right? Do you know how to cook octopus?! Who even knows how to cook octopus?!"

The Australian chef and a Swedish friend in the kitchen laughed when they saw me ranting. Australian chef: "We only have squid there; I have no idea how to deal with octopus."

Swedish friend: "Calm down, calm down, take these two orders upstairs."

Another Swedish guy working at Nation walked into the kitchen: "Oh my god, everyone in town can hear you from far, far away."

When I passed by the front desk, the Swedish kid looked at me nervously and said: "Sorry…"

Me (Somehow my anger completely vanished again):"It’s not your fault. But you’re lucky that you're cute, I won’t blame you. If it had been that Australian chef, I would have thrown him into the Baltic Sea to feed the sharks by now."

Whenever we had some free time to relax during work break at Nation that night:

Australian chef: "Octopus~ :D"

Swedish friend: "Squid~ :D"

Me: (╬≖_≖): ￥#%@#￥&*%￥#￥￥&￥#%#￥%#￥%

I guess now I understand why Gordon Ramsay always looks like he has some sort of anger management issues on his shows. He only seems nice on MasterChef Junior, where he says things like, "Gorgeous, darling, gorgeous." to little children chefs. Also, in Sweden, beating and cussing at kids are illegal.

西班牙海鲜饭，章鱼版。/ Spanish Paella, Octopus Ver.

在斯京大街上骑电动滑板车或者在老城区步行逛商店的时候经常可以闻到空气中散发的香味，去科技博物馆和酒精博物馆餐馆的时候也有专门气味区供游客闻赏互动，感觉瑞典人在嗅觉这一块还是很看重的，因为在别的地方的文化场所都没有见过类似的装置。提到瑞典，除了耳熟能详的诺贝尔奖，长袜子皮皮，服饰品牌HM，音乐流媒声破天以及以安全著名的沃尔沃汽车外，准备去瑞典留学前发现植物学家卡尔·冯·林奈，摄氏温标制定者安德斯·摄尔修斯，蓝牙技术的创制公司爱立信，欧特力燕麦奶，发明四面体包装的利乐包装公司以及绝对伏特加都来自瑞典，感觉瑞典人低调务实闷声干大事的刻板印象又再一次加深了。科技博物馆的主要受众大概是小孩子们和他们的家长，所以展馆内有适合儿童和成人身高单人观看的介绍自闭症和多动症的影片，都是以小孩子的身份用第一视角给观众介绍自闭症和多动症的特征和偏好，简单易懂，寓教于乐。再回想在国内看的某个关于心理疾病的展览，从打光到布置再到内容呈现都一言难尽，还把病人的日记摊开作为展览的一部分给人看，这种直接揭伤疤不做任何解释的展现方式令人极其不适，也感受不到任何对于病人的尊重，而且同行人员在这方面的了解不够，对着一些病症大惊小怪还展现出惶恐的一面，看完展后感觉大部分人只会对心理疾病患者产生更多的偏见和误解。相比之下瑞典人在这方面就温和很多，且思考周到，用小孩子的叙事身份让来参观的小孩子产生认同，也让陪同孩子来的家长产生共情心理，但也没有做成在馆内公共放映的影片，而是放在要将眼睛贴上去的潜望镜一样的装备上仅供单人观看，对小朋友的隐私做到了尊重的同时也不给猎奇心理留任何可讨论的空间。馆内除了科技史的详尽介绍，还有最新科技的普及，并没有因为主要受众是小孩就在糊弄，从垂直农业到眼球追踪技术，再到展现瑞典人强项的船只制造和船帆的工作原理（对这方面感兴趣可以出门左拐去门口的车站搭公交车去瓦萨乘船博物馆作更详尽的了解），就算不是小孩也值得一去。

While riding electric scooters on the streets of Stockholm or walking around the Gamla Stan shop-browsing, I often catch pleasant smells of fragrance in the air. When visiting the Museum of Technology or Museum of Spirits, there are special fragrance zones where visitors can smell and interact with the devices that contain different ingredients. It seems that Swedes attach significant importance on the sense of smell, as I haven't seen similar setups in cultural venues elsewhere.

科技博物馆内的气味装置。/ Smell installation at the Museum of Technology.

When thinking of Sweden, aside from the well-known Nobel Prize, Pippi Longstocking, H&M, music streaming platform Spotify, and the Volvo cars which are known for its safety-reliable features, I also discovered that Sweden is home to figures like the botanist Carl Linnaeus, the creator of the Celsius scale Anders Celsius, the company Ericsson that developed Bluetooth technology, Oatly oat milk, Tetra Pak (the company that invented the tetrahedral packaging), and Absolut Vodka. I feel like the stereotype of Swedes being low-key, pragmatic, and quietly getting great things done has been reinforced once again.

正中间的是利乐包装公司发明的四面体包装。/ The two in the middle are the classic tetrahedral packaging invented by Tetra Pak.

The target audience for visiting the Museum of Technology is mostly children and their parents. Inside the museum, there are films that introduce autism and ADHD, designed for individual viewing for different heights for both children and adults. These films present autism and ADHD from the perspective of a child, explaining the characteristics and preferences in a simple and easy-to-understand manner, making it both educational and entertaining.

This reminded me of an exhibition on mental health I saw back in Shanghai, which had poor lighting, bad arrangements, and lack presentation of content. They even displayed the patient’s personal diary as part of the exhibition, which made me felt extremely inappropriate and uncomfortable, and there was no explanation attach to the diaries, feel like just an expose of bloody wounds. The exhibition made people feel no respect for the patients, and the attendee that I went with reacted with exaggerated fear and misunderstanding when seeing the mental illnesses. After the exhibition, it felt like most people would leave with more prejudice and misunderstanding towards those with mental health conditions. In contrast, Sweden approaches this matter much more gently and thoughtfully. The use of a child’s narrative to help children visiting the museum identify with the conditions, while also allowing parents to empathize, was a clever touch. Moreover, the videos weren’t shown publicly, but were instead placed in individual viewing devices, like a periscope, to ensure privacy for the children and left no space for morbid curiosity.

瓦萨沉船博物馆/Vasa Museum

The museum not only offers detailed explanations of the history of science and technology development but also promotes the latest technological advances without dumbing it down for children. From vertical farming to eye-tracking technology, and exhibits showcasing Sweden’s strengths in shipbuilding and sail mechanics (you can take a bus to the Vasa Museum for a more detailed exhibition curated for this topic), the museum is worth visiting even if you're not a child.

从科技博物馆出来，警察博物馆就在隔壁，门前停满了婴儿车，大概也是从科技博物馆去的。小时候家住在警局对面，小学的时候还被选中当小警察，参与升旗仪式，站在校园门口检查每个人的红领巾佩戴情况，所以对警察一直是持尊重态度的。后来去美国求学，美剧里的塑造警察形象复杂多面，不是为难能力出众的私家侦探就是与黑帮勾结，甚至还经常被美国民众骂是“爱吃甜甜圈的猪头”。但现实生活中又因为亚裔在美国属于模范少数群体，所以从来没被警察为难过。乔治弗洛伊德事件之后态度转变，觉得不公感到愤怒，觉得不论他的背景出身如何，都不至于沦为警察暴力执法的受害者。再加上平时对公职人员整体持消极以及嘲讽态度的朋克摇滚乐听多了，对“条子”的印象就这么一路直下，甚至沾点愤恨的情绪。在参观警察博物馆的时候看到瑞典民众对于殉职牺牲的人民公仆警察尊敬爱戴态度，来瑞典之后经常可以看到他们在街上巡逻，对于警察态度又重新缓和。

警察博物馆门口停放的婴儿车。/ Baby strollers parked in the lobby of the Police Museum.

After leaving the Museum of Technology, the Police Museum was right next door, with baby strollers lined up outside, likely from visitors coming from the Tech Museum. When I was a child, I lived across street from the police station, and in elementary school, I was selected to be a little policeman. I participated in the morning flag-raising ceremony and stood at the school gate to check if everyone was wearing their red scarves correctly, so I’ve always held a respectful attitude towards the police. Later, when I went to the U.S. for my studies, the portrayal of police officers in American TV shows was complex and multifaceted. They either embarrass the capable private detectives or were involved with criminal gangs, Americans even stick “donut eating pigs” label onto their police as a stereotype. But in reality, being an Asian in America as part of a model minority group, I never had any trouble with the police.

After the George Floyd incident, my attitude shifted. I felt angry about the injustice and felt that no matter what his background was, he should not become a victim of violent police enforcement. In addition, I listened to punk rock music that usually has a negative and sarcastic attitude towards public officials as a whole. My impression of "cops" has gone downhill all the way, and even a little resentful. However, when visiting the Police Museum, I saw the Swedish people's respect and love for the public servants who died in the line of duty. After coming to Sweden, I often see them patrolling the streets, and my attitude towards the police has changed again, in a positive way.

警察博物馆内地上贴心设计的脚印。/ Thoughtfully designed footprints on the ground of the Police Museum.

出于消遣，关注过一阵子的欧美明星和霓虹爱豆，最喜欢也关注时间最长的电影演员是来自斯德哥尔摩的瑞典演员比尔.斯卡斯加德，他本人作品不少，绯闻几乎没有，给人感觉是典型的北欧人不爱drama的实干性格，每次在公众面前出现也是因为出了新的作品，参加宣传期的访谈和活动，再顺便提一句“我交女朋友/结婚/孩子两岁了”，觉得他是低调务实性格和帅气迷人长相的集大成者，作为粉丝也很省心。喜欢他的粉丝多是从网飞的电视剧铁杉树丛认识的他，也不得不承认全是靠比尔的脸支撑着我刷完了这个系列剧情略显荒诞鬼扯的后两季。而我个人最喜欢他出演的角色是斜挎着背包，抱着一摞天文物理书籍去上班，留着稍长的头发，每天都在按精确到秒钟的规定计划走的患有亚斯伯格症的可爱而又单纯的简单西蒙。但每次要有人问我的人生偶像是谁，我都会毫不犹豫地回答：居里夫人。不仅仅因为她是备受尊敬的女性科学家，专业素质过硬，而且在特殊的战争时期也展现了伟大的人道主义精神，不求名利，只醉心科学与追寻真理。从小学时就买来放在书架上并阅读过多次的传记在上海只想工作却被逼着相亲结婚的时候翻来看，当时反而倒是和多年沉迷工作对婚姻生活完全没有兴趣，认为女人完全是为了情感而生的生物的皮埃尔·居里共情了，当时工作生活中遇到的大多数男的总是张口讲第一句话的时候就能让我对他们完全失去兴趣，只能说遇到玛丽亚·斯克沃多夫斯卡的皮埃尔·居里是幸运的。而且，她对瑞典这个国家的评价也很高。

For a period of time, out of sheer entertainment, I followed some European and American celebrities as well as Japanese idols. The actor I followed the longest and liked the most was Swedish actor Bill Skarsgård, who is from Stockholm. He appears in quite a few films and TV shows but almost no scandals. He gives off the vibe of a typical Scandinavian, someone who avoids drama and focuses on getting things done. Every time he appears in public, it’s always because out of publicity duty for a new project, and he participates in interviews and promotional activities, and sometimes casually mention, “I have a girlfriend now/I’m married now/My child is two years old.” But overall, I feel he’s the epitome of being low-key and practical, coupled with his handsome looks and charming personality. As a fan, he’s also very easy to support. His fans most often know him from the Netflix series Hemlock Grove, and I have to admit that I watched the later seasons mostly just to see Bill’s face, because the plot became a bit absurd and far-fetched. My personal favorite role of his is that of Simon, a lovable and pure-intended character with Asperger's syndrome, who carries a stack of astronomy and physics books to work while wearing a messenger bag and with slightly longer hair. He sticks to his schedule that’s precise to the second.

However, whenever someone asks me who my life idol is, I always answer without hesitation: Marie Curie. Not only because she was a highly respected female scientist with exceptional professional skills, but also because during a special time of war, she exhibited great humanitarian spirit. She sought neither fame nor fortune, only a deep dedication to science and the pursuit of truth. I have read her biography multiple times, starting from when I was in elementary school and even had a copy to carry with me to Sweden. During the period when I was living and working in Shanghai, I only wanted to focus on my work but was pressured into forced dates and potential arranged marriages, I reread her biography. At that certain point of time, somehow I could relate to Pierre Curie more, who, after years of being consumed by his work, had little interest in marriage or family life. I was able to empathize with him, especially when the majority of men I encountered at work and in life in Shanghai would make me lost my interest the moment they opened their mouths and started talking. I could only say that Pierre Curie, who met Marie Skłodowska, was indeed a very fortunate man. In addition, Marie Curie also spoke very highly of Sweden after her visit.

因为诺贝尔博物馆不收现金，带的信用卡也刷不了，所以跑到门外的广场上去Expedia上买了斯京的行程套餐，在对着手机戳来戳去的时候注意到广场中央有当地人扮成维京武士的样子供游客合影。走进博物馆，在居里夫人的展区前停留了很久，也算是一种意义上的追星成功。后来开学来到瑞典还买了诺奖博物馆的会员，到斯京但凡有空总要去刷一下会员卡看一看还在展出的从巴黎借来的居里夫人做实验用的天平，在馆内的诺奖餐厅还可以吃到每年颁奖典礼的同款套餐，价格也算实惠。

Because the Nobel Prize Museum does not accept cash, and my credit card wouldn't work, I ran outside to the square and bought a Stockholm itinerary package on Expedia. While I was tapping away at my phone, I noticed some locals dressed as Viking warriors in the center of the square, posing for photos with tourists. I walked into the museum and spent quite a long time in front of Madame Curie's exhibit station; in a way, it felt like a form of "meet my idol." Later, when I started my studies in Sweden, I bought the membership for the Nobel Prize Museum. Whenever I had free time in Stockholm, I would go and swipe my membership card to see the balance scale Madame Curie used for experiments, which was on loan from Paris. In the Nobel Prize museum’s restaurant, where everyone could also enjoy the same meal served during the annual award ceremony, and the price’s quite reasonable.

大概是在美国性别议题吵得最厉害的时候离开的，之前在学校念书和在网上冲浪的时候总能看到有人在热切关心别人怎样根据性别使用卫生间和性别代词，甚至还会因此吵得翻天，其中个别用词之阴险刻薄让我看了只觉人之初性本恶，只想退网静修。在美国念大学的时候因为喜欢听重金属音乐，课余的时候加入了学校的金属乐社团，每周会聚一两次，讨论各自喜欢的乐队和流派，因为喜好都差不多而且大部分成员性格都偏内向，所以大家在社团活动的时候一直相处得很融洽，其中两位男生在我快毕业的时候选择变性做了女生，一方面因为临近毕业课业繁忙，一方面也不知道该怎么面对她们的新身份，就渐渐与她们都断了联系。

来到瑞典念书后认识一位女变男的美国同学，也讨论过这个问题。

我：我不知道要怎么和她们的新身份相处。

他：就正常相处好了，她们还是同一个人啊。

我：但至少外在上她们看上去已经不是了，而且实话实说我也有些怀念她们之前的身份和她们之前的身份一起相处的回忆，但又不能不尊重她们自己做的选择，我换个发型被朋友家人说还是之前的样子好看都会觉得困扰，何况对于她们而言是改变性别这么重大的决定。

他：只要你抱着尊重她们的想法去沟通交流，她们会理解的，你和我不就沟通得挺好的？

我：但我认识你的时候你已经在转换期了不是吗？

最后的结论还是各自保留自己的意见，因为似乎谁也不能说服对方，说到底每个人都是由自身独特的经历塑造而成的，很少有人真正能做到对别人的生活经历完全感同身受。

I left America around the time when gender issues were at their peak there. During my time in the University and while surfing the internet, I often saw people intensely debating how others should use bathrooms based on gender and which gender pronouns people ought to use. The arguments even escalated into heated conflicts, and some of the harsh and mean-spirited language made me feel that human nature is inherently bad, which made me just want to retreat from the internet and focus on self-reflection.

While studying in college in the U.S., I joined the school's metal music club because I enjoyed heavy metal music. We met once or twice a week to discuss our favorite bands and subgenres. Most of us shared similar tastes, and because many members were introverted, we always got along well. Two male members of the club decided to transition into women just before I was about to graduate. Due to the heavy course load and not knowing how to interact with their new identities, I gradually lost contact with them.

After arriving in Sweden to study, I met an American classmate who had transitioned from female to male, and we discussed this topic.

Me: "I don’t know how to interact with them in their new identities."
He: "Just interact with them normally, they’re still the same person."
Me: "But at least outwardly, they no longer look the same. And honestly, I also miss their previous identities and the memories of interacting with them as they were, but I also can’t disregard the choices they made. When I change my hairstyle, and my friends and family say I looked better before, I feel bothered. And for them, changing their gender is such a significant decision."
He: "As long as you interact with them with respect, they will understand. Didn’t you and I communicate pretty well?"
Me: "But when I met you, you were already in the process of transitioning, right?"
In the end, we both held on to our own personal views, because it seemed that neither of us could fully convince the other. After all, everyone is shaped by their own unique experiences, and very few people can truly empathize with someone else’s life journey completely.

后来但凡有人再提性别代词一类的问题我总会抢答我性别代词就是树，无聊的时候上网搜了一下发现树也分性别，所以再有人提我不想讨论的话题我总会非常不耐烦地：我就想在深山老林里当棵树，没有人能碰着我，没有人能看见我，最多谷歌地图更新版本的时候被采样车无人机拍到那么一两张快照，然后某一天在山火里被烧成灰好像从来没有在这个世界上存在过。这样讲是管用的，对方出于无语也好，没法接话也罢，而我终于能在这个吵闹的世界里暂时卸下面具并享受片刻安宁。到斯京散心的时候发现当地很多地方都没有按照性别去分卫生间，在性别平等这一议题上靠实际行动在解决问题，所以完全没有任何吵架的必要，又再一次觉得跟美国人什么议题都能莫名其妙吵起来和热衷给别人贴标签的性格不合，但也能理解，毕竟在资本主义社会一切向钱看的大环境下，给人打上标签，刻意制造冲突，再靠人寻求认同感的本能刺激消费，可以迅速达到资本收割的目的。因为一些个人经历，深受被贴标签或者被强行归类这一行为其害，尤其是在性别认同这一点上。高中的时候课间第一次与同学讨论各自未来的规划，自己随口回答的工程师或者科学家却被其中一个男同学笑话并回复：“做那行干什么，你应该当个家庭主妇，就和我妈一样，平时就看看电视刷刷我爸的卡，照看我跟我妹，日子多轻松。” 因为自己家里的女性都是有工作的，而生活中认识的所谓“家庭主妇“们的日子过得也不尽轻松，甚至还要完全牺牲自己理想的职业规划，所以被对方言论震惊到的同时也感到十分愤怒。后来到了瑞典和不同国家的同学聊天时发现，“家庭主妇”这个身份在不同文化语境里被赋予的相应社会地位也是不同的，认识的土耳其的女生告诉我说在土耳其如果一个女人被称作“家庭主妇”，那她就是完全靠丈夫养活，完全没有收入来源，是被人瞧不起的。在Nation认识的瑞典小孩在聊到这个话题的时候告诉我：“瑞典在上世纪70年代就没有家庭主妇了哦。“而在一些西欧国家，“家庭主妇”被看作是一份全职工作，和拿工资的上班族一样受人尊重和理解，感觉和日本的情况类似。不过参考安倍经济学的相关政策，在经济不景气的大环境下，主内居家的日本主妇们也被鼓励出门工作，参与社会生产了。现在回想高中那位男生的反应，除了成长环境里缺少独立女性角色的存在这一点之外，他所来自的省份也向来都是以物质资源丰富，产业发达闻名的，在这样的经济结构和环境下，一些持有传统价值观家庭中的女性自然也就不需要出门工作便也可以生活得很好了。但因为当时自己是个涉世不深高中生，对一些事物的看法缺乏深刻全面的认知和理解，只觉得对方在性别歧视自己，并否认自己的专业能力，以及认定自己以后是绝不会委曲求全做个家庭主妇，还有那个时候被学校里自己并不喜欢的男同学疯狂追求，拒绝他后他扭曲事实说服了学校里一半的中国学生带头霸凌我，以及一些其他个人原因，简单粗暴地总结觉得可能是当时自己的个人形象过于符合传统东亚“黑长直”乖乖女审美的缘故，一天突然决定让住家带我去理发店把留了十几年的长发一刀给剪短了。虽然很喜欢自己作为女性的身份，也完全没有任何性别认同障碍方面的问题，但自那以后便开始学男生的样子走路，说话，做事，开始去男装部买衣服穿（并偶然发现男装比女装便宜实用耐穿诶），个人风格也逐渐趋于反叛朋克，只把身边的男性当作自己的竞争对象，还叫嚣“我扮男装的样子比大多数亚洲男生都要漂亮，我凭什么要看得上他们”。大学的时候念的专业是男多女少的理工科，所以自那以后但凡发现自己喜欢上某一个男生，会立即弄清楚自己喜欢他哪一点，迅速了解并掌握他擅长的技能后便对他彻底失去兴趣，理由是“我已经是他的升级版，我怎么会喜欢不如我的人？”。说起来也挺有趣，认识的所有漂亮男孩们提起喜欢他们的女生语气都是温柔欣喜的，带着一丝炫耀的语气，然而漂亮女孩们提及追求她们的男生们的总是会开始翻白眼骂脏话。

Whenever someone brings up gender pronouns or similar issues, I always interrupt and say that my gender pronoun is "tree." Out of boredom, I once searched online and found that even trees have genders. So, whenever someone brings up a topic I don't want to engage, I get very impatient and say, "You know I just want to be a tree in a deep forest, where no one can touch me or see me. Maybe when Google Maps updates, some sampling vehicle or drone will catch a couple of snapshots, and then one day I’ll be burned into ash in a wild forest fire as if I never existed." This approach usually works — either the other person end up speechless, or they can’t find a respond to it. Finally, I can take off the mask I wear in this noisy world and enjoy a moment of peace.

When I was in Stockholm, I found that many places here don’t separate restrooms by gender. In terms of gender equality, they’re addressing the issue with practical actions and solutions, so there's really no need for any arguments. It made me once again feel that the constant debates and the tendency to put label on people in the U.S. are so incompatible with my personality. But I can understand why this happens — after all, in a capitalist society where everything revolves around money, putting label on people and deliberately creating conflicts to stimulate consumption for the sake of recognition can quickly achieve the goal of capital extraction.

Because of personal experiences, I’ve been deeply affected by the harm of being labeled or forcefully categorized, especially when it comes to gender identity. In high school, we once discussed our future plans during class break. I casually mentioned becoming an engineer or scientist, and one of the male classmates mocked me, saying, "What do you want to do that for? You should just be a housewife, like my mom. She just watches TV, swipes my dad’s credit card, takes care of me and my sister, and she lives an easy life." Since all the women in my family have a job, and the so-called "housewives" I knew didn’t exactly live easy lives, often sacrificing their own dream career plans, I was both shocked and angry at his remark.

Later, when I came to Sweden and spoke with classmates from different countries, I realized that the social status of "housewives" varies in different cultural contexts. A Turkish girl I met told me that in Turkey, if a woman is called a "housewife," it means she relies entirely on her husband for financial support and has no income of her own, which means she is looked down upon by the society. A Swedish kid I met at Nation told me, "Sweden hasn’t had housewives since the 1970s." In some Western European countries, being a "housewife" is considered a full-time job and they are treated with respect just like salaried workers, similar to Japan’s situation. However, following Abe's economic policies, Japanese housewives were also encouraged to work outside of their home and participate in social production during economic downturns.

Looking back at that high school classmate’s reaction, besides the lack of independent female role models in his upbringing, he came from a province in China which is known for its rich material resources and well-developed industries. In such an economic structure and environment, women in traditional households naturally didn’t need to get a job and could still live comfortably. But as a naive high school student at the time, I lacked a deep and comprehensive understanding of many things. I just felt that he was being sexist and denying my professional abilities, I also determined that I would never settle for being a housewife. At that time, I was being relentlessly pursued by a male classmate who I have zero interest. After I rejected him, he twisted the facts and convinced half the Chinese students at the school to bully me. Given these personal experiences, I simply and crudely concluded that all these happened because my appearance probably matched the traditional East Asian "long black straight hair" obedient girl aesthetic, so one day I suddenly decided to have my host family take me to the hair salon to cut off the long hair I had kept for over decades.

Although I love my identity as a female and have no issues with gender identity, from that moment on, I started to walk, talk, and act like a boy. I began buying clothes from the men’s department (and discovered that men's clothing is cheaper, more practical, and durable). My personal style gradually became rebellious and punk, and I started seeing the men around me as competition, even saying, "I look prettier in men's clothes than most Asian guys. Why would I ever settle for them?"

In college, I studied in a male-dominated field, engineering, so whenever I found myself having a crush on a guy, I would quickly figure out what I liked about him, learn his skills, and then lose interest immediately, with reasoning: "I’m already his upgraded version. Why would I like someone who’s less than me?" Interestingly, whenever the cute boys I knew talked about the girls who liked them, their tone was always gentle and pleasant, with a hint of showing off. However, when beautiful girls I knew talked about the boys who pursuing them, they always rolled their eyes and cuss with profanity.

但发现自己这样做依旧没什么用处，来自外部不必要的骚扰也并没有因为我形象上做出的改动停止过。逛超市的时候被有黄热病的店员盯上，一路跟着我从一个货架走到另一个货架，眼睛像着了魔一样盯着我的同时还不停地说：“你长得好像漂亮的瓷娃娃，你知道我的继母也是亚洲人吗？“最后是住家妈妈发现了他反常的举动，直接语气严苛地告诉他：”请你走开好吗？“ 相比之下后来去逛宜家的时候也有男店员走到面前说当天穿的裙子好看，但眼神语气都是礼貌且克制的，说完点点头就走了。穿日式制服齐膝袜和裙子逛街的时候，坐在路边的流浪汉着了迷一样盯着我并直接伸手试图去摸我的腿，当晚去超市买晚饭打算回宾馆吃的时候被当地混混一样的人莫名其妙拦下要约我出去。大二在工程学院上课的时候被同一节课上的一个男的莫名其妙盯上并迷恋，美国大学课堂的氛围是非常自由甚至散漫的，和瑞典大学相似，上课的时候哪怕整个人躺着，把脚翘在椅子上，或者拿午饭晚饭来吃，只要不影响到上课的正常秩序教授都不会去过问。但这个男的因为坐在我前排，上课的时候频频回头看我并试图跟我讲一些他自认风趣的话，到最后教授都看不下去，直接走过来让他转过身去认真听课。女为悦己者容，一次因为晚上要去看比尔·斯卡斯加德的新电影，从早上到下午在学校都有课和活动还有会议，所以一早就穿了平时不怎么穿的小裙子出门，到了课上这个男的不怀好意地把我从头到脚扫了一遍并问：“哟穿给谁看的？”令我宽慰的是，我自己还没回答，坐在他旁边的女同学就开口：“她喜欢穿什么就穿什么用不着你管。”到最后我自己深感困扰都不敢再去上课。去游泳馆游泳的时候也被中年老男人假装不经意的抓过腿。

But I realized that what I was doing still didn't help, and the unnecessary harassment from others didn’t stop just because I cut my hair and changed the clothes I wear. When I was shopping in the supermarket, a store clerk with yellow fever kept staring at me with obsession. He followed me from one aisle to another, his eyes glued to me as if he were enchanted, and kept saying, "You look like a beautiful porcelain China doll. Did you know my stepmother is also Asian?" It was only when my host mother noticed his odd behavior that she sternly told him, "Please walk away"

In contrast, when I later went to IKEA, a male employee came up to me and complimented the dress I was wearing that day, but his gaze and tone were polite and restrained. After he spoke to me, he simply nodded and walked away.

When I was out shopping in a Japanese-style uniform dress with knee-high socks, a homeless man sitting by the street stared at me like he was mesmerized and then reached out to try to touch my leg. That night, while heading to the supermarket to buy dinner, I was inexplicably stopped by some local hooligans who tried to ask me out.

In my second year at engineering school, a guy in the same class suddenly started obsessing over me. The atmosphere in American college classrooms is quite free and laid-back, similar to Swedish universities. You can even lie down in class, put your feet on the chair, or eat breakfast or lunch or dinner as long as it doesn’t disrupt the class. But this guy, sitting in front of me, would frequently turn around and try to say things he thought were funny. Eventually, the professor couldn't stand it and walked over to tell him to turn around and pay attention to the class.

I once wore a printed dress I don’t usually wear because I was going to watch Bill Skarsgård’s new movie that night. I had class, school activities, and meetings at university all day that day, so I wore it early in the morning. During class, this guy glanced at me from head to toe and asked, "So, what’s the occasion?" What comforted me was that before I could answer, a female classmate sitting next to him spoke up: "She can wear whatever she likes, and it’s none of your business." In the end, I felt so uncomfortable that I didn’t dare to go to class anymore. One time when I went to the swimming pool, an older man pretended to try to casually grab my leg.

在美国念大学的时候因为自己漂染头发没有搞清楚染发膏的上色原理，买错了色号，把原本想要染的银色错染成了蓝色。短发，男装，蓝发，把男的当作竞争对手，放在美国流行文化语境里面我整个人就是一个行走的女同标签，放在东亚语境里我就是一个热爱cosplay miku的普通女生罢了。而当时比较关心性少数群体，觉得一个人不应该因为自己的性取向而受到不公正的对待，就像你不需要亲自变成一只北极熊也可以关心冰川融化全球变暖的气候问题一样。平时又很喜欢关注各领域的女性榜样，比如格特鲁德·斯坦因，觉得她能以女性的身份独立在巴黎主办文化沙龙，实在是太酷了。但很多人却以为我关注她是因为能在她的性取向上找到共鸣，虽然自己当时完全没有意识到这一点，又因为身处的东亚社群内氛围比较保守，整体年龄偏小，社会阅历不足，在一些问题上认知过于狭隘，男生涂指甲油（他女朋友拿他练手）打耳钉（个人喜好）女生剪短发（遭遇情感问题）不留长指甲（为了练乐器和个人卫生）都要被怀疑其性取向，所以在别人眼里我的身份定位就是一位女同，也因此给我招致了很多不必要的麻烦和情感投射，再加上长期在持有“受害者有罪”论的环境下生活成长，时刻被要求“有则改之无则加勉”，被教育做事要淑女，要含蓄，不可以随意拒绝别人，在任何情况下都不能让别人难堪，所以遇到事情只能也只会选择自己去消化情绪。后来在Nation认识的瑞典小孩告诉我他高中的时候遇到过情况更严重的骚扰，转头就告诉了全校的同学，所有人都选择羞辱加害者，没有人怪罪他一句，看他大大方方分享经历也没有一丝被这段经历留下创伤的样子，再一次觉得环境在人性格塑造方面真的算是决定性因素。而这大概也是瑞典看上去为什么骚扰犯罪率居高不下的原因之一，再加上信息透明度高，报案后受理速度快，以及根本没有人会护着加害者。

When I was studying at university in the United States, I dyed my hair without fully understanding the principles behind hair dyeing. I bought the wrong hair dye color, and instead of the silver I intended, I ended up with blue hair. Short hair, men's clothing, blue hair, and treating men as competitors – in the context of American pop culture, I was essentially a walking lesbian stereotype. In the East Asian context, I am just an another ordinary girl who loves cosplay Miku. At that time, I cared a lot about minorities and believed that no one should face unfair treatment solely because of their sexual orientation. It's like how you don’t have to be a polar bear to care about global warming and the melting of glaciers. I also liked to follow female role models in various fields, such as Gertrude Stein, because I thought she’s so cool that she could independently host cultural salons in Paris as a woman.

But many people assumed I was interested in her because I could relate to her sexual orientation, even though at the time I was completely unaware of that. Additionally, because I was in an East Asian community that was relatively conservative, with a younger average age and limited social experience, many people had a narrow understanding of certain issues. Boys wearing nail polish (because his girlfriend used his nails for practice), getting ear piercings (personal preference), girls cutting their hair short (due to relationship issues), or not growing long nails (for playing musical instruments and personal hygiene reasons) would all be suspected of having a certain sexual orientation. Therefore, to others, I was categorized as a lesbian, which caused me a lot of unnecessary trouble and emotional projection.

Growing up in an environment where "victims are to blame" was the norm, I was constantly told to " If there is something to improve, correct it; if there is nothing, strive to do better." to be a well-mannered lady, to be modest, and not to reject others easily. In any situation, I was expected to avoid embarrassing others. As a result, when faced with issues, I had no choice but to internalize my feelings and emotions. Later, a Swedish kid I met at Nation told me that he had experienced even worse harassment back in high school. He immediately told the entire school what happened, and everyone chose to shame the perpetrator without blaming him at all. When I saw him freely sharing his experience without a hint of trauma left by it, I once again realized how much the environment one grows up in can shape their character. This is probably one of the reasons why Sweden seems to have a high rate of harassment crimes, coupled with the high transparency of information, the fast processing speed after reporting, and the fact that no one will protect the perpetrators.

和多数瑞典人倾向于先开展亲密关系再出门约会的习惯不同，大部分东亚人在发展关系的早期或者没有任何感情基础的情况下就展现出很强的控制欲和占有欲，而认识的一些欧洲同学就算有了男女朋友，平时也可以出门正常和朋友们一起社交参与活动，还不用时刻报备，依旧拥有独立自由的人格。之前只是和从小就认识且毫无兴趣的男的在网路上正常交流了几句，便被他当时的女朋友及狐朋狗友们认定我对她的男朋友有什么想法在网上追着阴阳怪气地辱骂，不想搭理对方，选择退网一阵子冷处理后对方才消停，而祸因他起的男的全程隐形，毫发无损。认识的一个女生大概是自作主张认定我是她的情感投射对象，一开始就没有抱着什么纯洁的目的接近我，和她甚至连手都没有牵过，就连朋友间友好性质的拥抱也一个都没有过，就因为跟她一开始认识的时候就和我讲她与前女友之间不顺遂的感情经历，自己也没多想，也出于一丝同情，只是把她当作认识的普通同学一起出去玩过几次。结果导致我平时消息回慢了会发长篇大论抱怨，要求我把她的情感需求放在首位，我喜欢看的一些男偶像也会被她说三道四的并多次试图制止，当时我只是单纯地以为她不喜欢追星族，而且我在工程学院理工男扎堆的环境里混久了，自己也变成了一个对情感方面比较迟钝，一门心思沉浸在学业和个人爱好上的理工女，但现在想来她这样做完全是出于嫉妒和莫名的控制占用欲。后来也不再纠结，留回了长发，不再刻意只穿男装，也很少再收到别人乱七八糟的评价和揣测。现在回看反思只觉得自己当时的行为选择有些幼稚，其实可以更好地利用自己的女性身份认同在专业领域有所作为，提升女性的地位，而不是试图钻进男性的皮囊用根本不属于自己的身份认同在男权社会争一席之地。

Unlike most Swedes who tend to experience intimacy before going on dates, many East Asians show a strong desire for control and possessiveness early in a relationship development stage or even without any emotional foundation. Some European friends I know, even when they have boyfriends or girlfriends, can still go out and socialize with their friends and participate in activities without constantly reporting to their partner, still maintaining their independence and freedom.

Previously, I had a brief, normal online conversation with a guy I had known since childhood and had absolutely no interest in, and somehow his then-girlfriend and her friends immediately assumed that I had feelings for him. They started to insult me online with sarcastic remarks. I didn’t want to engage in this unnecessary drama, so I took a break from the internet for a while to handle the situation, and they eventually stopped. The guy who had started the trouble remained completely invisible throughout the whole situation; his girlfriend didn’t even consider him as the one to blame at all.

One girl used to know me seemed to have made me her emotional projection target. From the start, she didn’t approach me with pure intentions. We had never even held hands or exchanged friendly hugs, but because, when we first met, she shared her troubled experiences with her ex-girlfriend, I didn’t think much of it. Out of a bit of sympathy, I treated her as a normal classmate and went out with her a few times. As a result, when I didn’t reply to her messages quickly enough, she would send long complaints, demanding that I should prioritize her emotional needs over my own. She also criticized some boy idols I liked and repeatedly tried to stop me from following them. At the time, I simply thought she didn’t like fangirls, and since I had spent so much time in the engineering school environment surrounded by tech-oriented guys, I had become somewhat emotionally detached like them as well, focusing more on academic and personal hobbies. But now I realize that her behavior was rooted in jealousy, possessiveness and an unreasonable need to control me.

Eventually, I stopped overthinking and grew my long hair back, no longer only wearing men's clothing, and rarely received unsolicited comments and ill-minded assumptions from others. Looking back now, I realize that my behavior choices were somewhat immature. I could have used my female identity to achieve something meaningful in my professional field, enhancing the status of women, instead of trying to fit into a male mold and using an identity that wasn’t mine to carve out a place in a male-dominated society.

自己只是在青少年时期出于想要挑战学校和职场中的性别刻板印象而仅仅在外观上做出了一些改变就经历了以上种种，很难想象在现实生活中选择了变性的人会遭受外界怎样无止境的苛责与骚扰，而和认识的变性朋友交流时发现也确实是这样，除了世俗压力和外界骚扰，还要承受药物治疗方面的经济负担。

I merely made some changes to my appearance during my teenage years in order to challenge gender stereotypes in school and the workplace, and yet I still experienced all of the above. It’s hard to imagine the endless criticism and harassment that transgender individuals have to face in real life. From conversations with transgender friends, I’ve come to realize that this is indeed the case—they not only endure societal pressure and external harassment but also bear the financial burden of medical treatments during their transitioning period.

在美国念高中的时候美国文学课上有一本非裔美国女作家佐拉·尼尔·赫斯顿的小说《他们眼望上苍》作为必读书目，其中的非裔女主角因为是在当地白人后院里长大的，小时候的自我认同一直是个白人，直到一天偶然被告知了真相，去照了镜子看到自己的肤色长相后难过了很久。高中时初读这本书觉得这种情节简直不可思议，有胡编乱造的嫌疑，如果真的是和白人小孩一起长大的，那在某个节点肯定会有肢体上的接触，比如手拉手一起去花园里捉蝴蝶，手的肤色差异对比不是一看便知么？后来在美国待了七八年，再回到中国生活工作了三年，才发现佐拉·尼尔·赫斯顿小说里的这段情节的现实意义。青少年时期在人口90%都是白人的加州小镇念书，已经有自我意识的时候突然生活环境里看到的都是与自己面孔不算近似的人，很容易便产生容貌焦虑。在资本主义国家的美国，任何事物都可以算作是资本运作的一部分，没有问题也要鸡蛋里挑骨头制造问题便于资本收割。当时又戴黑框眼镜，而近视眼在美国又算是残疾，每天刷社媒时也总是被整形机构投放的营销广告暗示自己长相欠佳，需要砸钱整容。不过好在自己是在充满支持和关爱的家庭长大，从小就被亲朋好友们夸长得漂亮，再加上身为中国人受孔子 “身体发肤，受之父母，不敢毁伤” 的影响，虽然能意识到和身边大部分的白人同学和当地居民长得不一样，但从来没有考虑过整容这一点，最多只是选择化妆去加深一下面部的轮廓，并把粗框眼镜换成了隐形眼镜。而回中国后发现因为在美国多年自由散漫惯了，一些东亚社会无法言明的社交暗示已经完全遗忘并不会解读了，交流起来十分困难，待了三年不仅完全无法融入，甚至产生了很多误会，与和美国相比，中国人口过多，有民族多样性的同时却没什么种族多样性，让我非常不适应，有时候甚至在一些车站或地铁人挤人的环境中还会产生莫名的焦虑。反而是来瑞典后完全不需要什么磨合期，直接融入，和当地人交流起来也是非常轻松愉快的。再回看佐拉·尼尔·赫斯顿小说里的那段情节，有些时候生活环境对人的影响是不会直接体现肤色上的，而是通过在思维模式的转变和文化认同的内在形式展现。

When I was in high school in the United States, one of the mandatory readings in American Literature class was Their Eyes Were Watching God by African American author Zora Neale Hurston. The protagonist, an African American woman, grew up in the backyard of a white family, and as a child, she had always thought herself as white. It wasn’t until one day, by chance, that she was told the truth. She looked in the mirror and saw her own skin color and features and was deeply saddened for a long time.

When I first read this novel in high school, I found that storyline almost unbelievable, even bordering on fictional exaggeration. If she had really grown up with white children, wouldn’t there have been physical contact at some point—like holding hands while chasing butterflies in the garden? Wouldn’t the difference in skin tone be obvious at a glance?

But after living in the U.S. for eight years and then returning to China to live and work for three years, I began to understand the deeper truth behind that scene in Hurston’s novel. During my teenage years, I studied in a small California town where 90% of the population was white. At an age when I had already developed self-conciousness, I found myself surrounded by people whose faces didn’t resemble mine. It was easy to develop appearance-related anxiety.

In a capitalist country like the U.S., everything can be turned into a capital chasing game. Even if there’s no problem, one will be invented — finding fault where there is none — to facilitate the harvesting of money. At the time, I wore black-rimmed glasses, and since nearsightedness is considered a disability in the U.S., social media constantly pushed advertisements from cosmetic surgery clinics implying that my appearance was inadequate and needed fixing.

Thankfully, I grew up in a loving and supportive family, where relatives and friends always told me that I am beautiful. Influenced by Confucian teachings like “Your body, hair, and skin are given by your parents and must not be harmed by the hand of others” I’ve never take cosmetic surgery into consideration, even though I was aware that I looked different from most of my white classmates and locals. At most, I just used makeup to contour my features a bit and switched from thick glasses to contact lenses.

After returning to China, however, I realized that years of freedom and informality I had in the U.S. had made me forget how to interpret the unspoken social cues that are so important in East Asian societies. Communicating with others has become difficult for me. After three years, I still couldn’t fully fit in and even encountered numerous misunderstandings. Compared to the U.S., China has an enormous population, and while there is ethnical diversity, there is very little racial diversity — which made me feel quite out of place. Sometimes, in crowded spaces like train stations or subways, I’d even experience sudden anxiety.

It was only after coming to Sweden that I finally felt at ease. There was no adjustment period — I feel like I can fit in immediately. Interacting with locals was effortless and pleasant.

Looking back at that passage in Hurston’s novel, I’ve come to realize that sometimes the impact of one’s environment isn’t immediately visible on the surface, such as skin color. Instead, it reveals itself through shifts in thinking patterns and the internal forms of cultural identity.

因为是索尼的死忠粉，受其产品早期简单大气的设计风格影响，自己最喜欢的设计师之一又是迈克高仕，他出席活动时经常一身黑色简装，接受采访时被问为什么每次这样穿时他回答：“一个好的设计师只会让人们关注他设计的作品，而不是他本人的穿着打扮。”虽然自己念的不是设计专业，但对他的观点非常赞同，好的设计师应该纯靠作品表达，而他们本身应该是低调的，不应喧宾夺主。受这两者影响平时穿衣也以黑色为主，在中国和美国工作生活的时候自己一身黑的着装风格经常被人拿出来说道，有时还甚至带些揶揄的意味，到北欧旅行念书的时候反而一下就融入了当地人单色调的着装风格。在上海下班逛宜家的时候碰到了与Swedish House Mafia的全黑色系联名，在展间停留了半个小时，喜欢到临近关门才拿了条黑色毛茸茸的摊子去结账，隔天再去的时候发现已经换上了圣诞节的装扮，找了代购才买到极简风的全黑电子钟，满心欢喜得回去挂上，因为挂钩没粘牢，有天下班回家的时候发现钟面朝下摔在地板上，闭着眼睛准备接受钟面被摔得粉碎的现实，结果翻过来一看完好无损，质量好得令人吃惊。

As a hardcore Sony fan, I’ve always been influenced by the brand’s early design style — simple, clean, and understated. One of my favorite designers is Michael Kors, whose minimalist black outfits are a signature look on the red carpet at public events. In an interview, when asked why he always dresses that way, he replied: “A good designer lets people focus on their work, not their personal style.”

Even though I didn’t major in design or fashion, I couldn’t agree with him more. A great designer should speak through their work, staying low-key and never outshining what they create. Influenced by both Sony’s design ethos and Michael Kors’ philosophy, my own wardrobe has naturally filled with all shades of black.

When I lived and worked in both China and the U.S., my all-black outfits often drew attention — sometimes even teasing remarks. But when I traveled and later studied in Scandinavia, I instantly blended into the locals’ monochromatic fashion sense.

One time after work in Shanghai, I stopped by IKEA and stumbled upon their all-black collaboration with Swedish House Mafia. I ended up lingering in that display area for half an hour, loving every piece so much that I only grabbed a fluffy black blanket right before they closed the store. I went back hoping to pick up more a couple days later, only to find the store had already switched over to its Christmas displays. I had to request a personal online shopper to hunt down the minimalist black digital clock from that series — and was absolutely thrilled when I finally hung it up in my apartment.

Then one day after work, I came home to find it face-down on the floor because the adhesive hook had come loose. Bracing myself for the worst, I flipped it over, expecting a shattered mess—but to my surprise, it was completely intact. The quality of the clock was honestly impressive.

去瑞典念书前的暑假在一家芬兰公司的上海分部实习，散伙饭桌上问经常去斯京的芬兰高管瑞典有什么中国不常见但又具有当地特色的美食。

芬兰高管：驯鹿肉，

我：啊？这不是在吃给圣诞老人拉车的红鼻子鲁道夫么？

芬兰高管：瑞典还有驯鹿香肠。

我：我是看小鹿斑比长大的，怎么可以吃斑比香肠…

芬兰高管：你不想办法解决它们，开春的时候它们就会把岛上的花草植被全啃光了，对生态平衡不好的。

我：我心理上还是接受不了…你们怎么可以吃斑比？

芬兰高管：吃起来和牛肉差不多，就是有点干和柴，没什么脂肪。

似乎有些理解了被劝吃肉的素食主义者大概是什么心情…

然而到了瑞典后吃驯鹿肉吃得很开心还买驯鹿香肠分给同学吃“尝尝斑比”的人也是我。

The summer before I went to study in Sweden, I took internship at the Shanghai branch of a Finnish company. During our farewell dinner, I asked one of the Finnish executives—who often traveled to Stockholm — if there were any local Swedish foods that were unique and not commonly found in China.

Finnish executive: “Reindeer meat.”
Me: “What?! Isn’t that basically eating Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer who pulls Santa’s sleigh?”
Finnish executive: “They even have reindeer sausages in Sweden.”
Me: “I grew up watching Bambi! How could anyone eat Bambi sausages?”
Finnish executive: “If you don’t do something about them, they’ll eat up all the plants and flowers on the islands in the early spring. It’s bad for the ecosystem.”
Me: “I still can’t get over it emotionally… how can you eat Bambi?”
Finnish executive: “It tastes kind of like beef, just drier and leaner — not much fat.”

At that moment, I sort of understood how vegetarians must feel when people keep trying to get them to eat meat...

But fast forward to me living in Sweden, happily enjoying reindeer meat and even handing out reindeer sausages to share with classmates like, “Come try some Bambi!” Yep, that was me, only one month later.

驯鹿肉确实好吃（感觉瑞典人是真的很喜欢吃越橘酱）。/ Reindeer meat is really delicious (it seems that the Swedes really like to eat lingonberry sauce).

在加速全球化的整体大环境下，个体感受也逐渐趋同，所以在求同存异的条件下保留文化的多样性和个体感受的独特性就显得格外重要。在国内工作时用Slowly和海外的同龄人写信交流。以及在美国和瑞典与来自世界各地的同学朋友面对面聊天的时候，发现大家似乎都是看迪士尼和吉卜力的动画电影长大，听欧美流行乐度过的青春期，在受流行文化影响上这点上没有什么明显的个体差异。但个人觉得瑞典人在保留自己的文化符号和传统这一点上做得很好。之前在网上看过瑞典高中生毕业的照片，虽然大家都穿的西服和裙子，但人人头上都戴着一顶具有瑞典特色的水手帽，参加完毕业庆典喝得醉醺醺的，脸上带着浅浅的红晕和甜甜的笑容，手里拿着，头发上插着夏日里盛放的花朵，挤在卡车车厢上，灼灼其华，看了直让人感叹青春无敌。

In the context of accelerating globalization, individual experiences around the world are becoming increasingly similar. That’s why, under the principle of "seeking common ground while preserving differences," it becomes especially important to maintain cultural diversity and the uniqueness of personal experiences.

While working in China, I used the app Slowly to exchange letters with peers overseas. Look back in the U.S. and later in Sweden, when I had face-to-face conversations with classmates and friends from all over the world. What struck me was that we all seemed to have grown up watching Disney and Studio Ghibli films and spent our teenage years listening to Western pop music. In terms of cultural influence from global pop culture, there were surprisingly few noticeable differences between us.

图片来源/Image source: Watching the Swedes, 2017

However, I personally feel that Swedes do a particularly good job of preserving their own cultural symbols and traditions. I once saw photos online of Swedish high school graduation celebrations. Though the students were dressed in typical suits and dresses, each of them wore a uniquely Swedish sailor cap. After the graduation ceremony, they’d be tipsy, cheeks flushed with joy, sweet smiles on their faces, holding flowers in their hands or tucked into their hair, riding together in the back of open trucks. Radiant, full of life — it was the kind of youthful energy that makes you exclamate, they are invincible."

大学各种庆典上还会被拿出来戴的水手帽，帽檐是塑料制的，防风挡雨很适合瑞典多变的天气。/ The sailor hat is also worn at various university celebrations. The brim is made of plastic, which is windproof and rainproof and is very suitable for Sweden's changeable weather.

帽子内衬是景点的黄蓝瑞典国旗配色，低调又不失特色。/ The lining of the hat is the yellow and blue colors of the Swedish flag, which is quite low-key yet distinctive.

斯德哥尔摩的地铁也是十分有特色的，基本上每个车站都有自己的艺术风格。最让我觉得有意思的是地铁上的广告，从花卉园艺到基础编程课再到当地自行车行的打折信息，内容多样，创意十足，用谷歌的拍照翻译功能翻一下对应的瑞典语广告词也是非常有巧思。

在斯德哥尔摩的最后一个傍晚大概是出于不舍，不想就这样离开我的精神故乡，所以抓了相机出门，去了离宾馆最近的地铁站按线路颜色开始了自己长达六个小时的记录斯京地铁线路这一既庞大又多样的艺术集成体之旅。

地铁内上下扶梯的两侧灯光都是瑞典国旗配色。/ The lights on both sides of the escalators in the metro are in the colors of the Swedish flag.

The metro system in Stockholm is also incredibly unique—almost every station has its own artistic style. What I found most interesting were the advertisements on the trains. From gardening equipment and basic coding classes to discount deals at local bike shops, the content was diverse and full of creativity. I used Google’s photo-translate feature to decode the Swedish slogans often revealed clever wordplay and thoughtful design.

On my last evening in Stockholm — probably because I couldn’t bear to leave my spiritual home just yet — I grabbed my camera and headed out. Starting from the metro station closest to my hotel, I began a six-hour journey along the different colored lines, documenting this massive and varied artistic installation that is the Stockholm metro system itself.

Station: Thorildsplan●

Station: Odenplan●

Station: T-Centralen●●●

Station: Stadion●

Station: Tekniska Högskolan●

Station: Universitetet●

Station: Mörby Centrum●

Station: Rådhuset●

Station: Solna Centrum●

Station: Näckrosen●

Station: Solna Strand●

Station: Tensta●

Station: Rinkeby●

在斯德哥尔摩遇到当地人以及和他们产生的互动给我感觉都是友好的，又带些北欧性格特色的礼貌克制。在离斯京市中心不远的一站地铁拍墙上的壁画的时候，大概是晚班最后一趟地铁，驾驶舱的司机降速开进站的时候看我拍得起劲居然把车厢拉停，我诚惶诚恐地按下快门，受宠若惊地对司机点头致谢，司机确认我拍完之后把车继续往前开走了。在车站间赶来赶去拍壁画的时候坐在长椅上等地铁的瑞典小女生看我脖子上挂着相机一副游客打扮，还朝我挥挥手说嗨。在宾馆因为不太清楚瑞典垃圾分类的细则，在房间里打算问酒店的工作人员的时候对方冲我礼貌地笑笑用瑞典语告诉我她不会讲英文就走了，晚上回来发现房间被收拾得干干净净的，也不再纠结垃圾分类的问题。因为在斯京行程结束后的一早五六点的飞机要飞哥德堡，在龙纹身的女孩的取景地之一斯律森地铁站回去宾馆附近的加油站准备买早饭路上吃，当天值班的小伙子也是一副英文不太熟练的样子，尽量用简单的英文和手势和对方点橱窗里的三明治的时候值班的经理走了进来，站在我身后用瑞典语帮我解释，整个过程轻松愉快，在加油站随手买的Marabou巧克力回去后带给妹妹，两三天就吃完一整板，很是喜欢。

My encounters and interactions with locals in Stockholm were all very friendly, tinged with the polite restraint that seems characteristic of the Nordic temperament.

One night, I was photographing a mural at a metro station not far from the city center—likely it was the last run of the late shift. As I was focused on getting the perfect shot, the driver of the approaching train actually slowed down and brought the train to a stop, seeing me so absorbed in photographing the wall art. Caught off guard and feeling both grateful and slightly flustered, I quickly pressed the shutter and gave a thankful nod to the driver. Once he confirmed I had finished, he continued driving the train forward.

While I was dashing between stations trying to capture more murals, a Swedish girl sitting on a bench noticed the camera hanging around my neck and my obvious tourist look. She waved and said “Hej” with a cheerful smile.

At the hotel, unsure about Sweden’s waste-sorting rules, I was about to ask a staff member when she politely smiled, told me in Swedish that she didn’t speak much English, and walked off. But when I returned later that night, I found my room perfectly cleaned—so I decided not to stress over the trash sorting situation anymore.

Because I had an early morning flight — around 5 or 6 AM — from Stockholm to Gothenburg, I stopped at a gas station near my hotel, left the city center at the metro station which is close to Slussen (one of the filming locations for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), to grab some breakfast. The young guy on shift didn’t speak fluent English, but he tried his best to help me order a sandwich from the display case using simple words and gestures. Just then, his manager walked in and, standing behind me, helped translate everything in Swedish. The whole exchange felt lighthearted and smooth. I also grabbed a bar of Marabou chocolate from that gas station shelf and brought it back home for my sister. She loved it so much, finished the whole bar in just a couple of days.

到乌普萨拉念书后有时候会搭城际火车去斯德哥尔摩过周末，发现斯京早高峰的地铁人流量和在上海平时普通的人流量近似。一次去斯京看摇滚乐队的演唱会，涂了黑色的唇彩出门，坐在火车地铁上大家都一副司空见惯的样子，根本没有人在意我不算很日常的妆容。在上海工作的时候一次周末兴致上来也是涂了黑唇彩化了浓眼妆出门去公司加班，结果在地铁站被拦下查了身份证两次，查证件的工作人员和巡警对我也是一副严肃谨慎的态度。在斯京旅行的时候也经常可以看到年轻人一副朋克哥特的打扮走在大街上，行动自由。但这种差异追根究底来说还是因为文化差异造成的，因为朋克文化也好哥特装扮也好，本身就起源于西方，我出于个人喜好涂黑唇液出门这一行为本质跟国内不信教的中年男人却在手腕上戴佛珠的行为本质上并无任何区别，只是在国内的文化语境内后者的接受度较高罢了，而我这种没有什么文化根源的穿着打扮在国内算奇装异服的范畴，拦下我查证件的工作人员也只是在执行公务。

干净整洁快速的城际火车。/ Clean and fast intercity trains.

After I started studying in Uppsala, I would occasionally take the intercity train to Stockholm for weekend trips. I noticed that the morning rush hour crowd in Stockholm’s metro was about the same as the regular flow of people in Shanghai on an average day.

斯京中央火车站附近看到的金鸡风向标。/ The Golden Rooster weather vane seen near Stockholm Central Railway Station.

One time, I went to Stockholm for a rock concert and left the house wearing black lip gloss. On the train and metro, no one gave me a second look — everyone acted like it was the most normal thing in the world, completely unfazed by my unconventional makeup.

By contrast, when I was working in Shanghai, I felt in the mood on a weekend and wore black lipstick with heavy eye makeup on my way to the office for some overtime work. I ended up getting stopped twice at the metro station to have my ID checked. The officers and security staff were visibly serious and cautious in their demeanor.

While traveling in Stockholm, I often saw young people walking down the streets in full punk or goth outfits, moving freely and confidently. But this difference ultimately comes down to cultural context. Punk and goth styles originated in the West, after all. My choice to wear black lipstick purely out of personal preference is, at its core, no different from middle-aged men in China—who aren’t even religious—wearing Buddhist prayer beads on their wrists. The only difference is that in the local cultural context, the latter is more socially accepted. In China, my style — which lacks cultural roots — is considered eccentric or unusual, and the staff who stopped me for an ID check were simply doing their job.

由于出发前准备得不够充分，只带了一张银联visa卡，在北京机场准备兑换瑞典货币的时候，货币兑换处的系统突然崩溃死机，已经是临近登机所以只好放弃，打算等到了斯京再兑换货币。结果到了斯德哥尔摩发现，在当地没有一张通用的银行卡和线上支付软件近乎寸步难行，只有超市和一些公交系统的线下售票点收现金外，大部分餐厅和商店都更倾向于无纸化交易，导致我在斯京每到一个地方打算消费前都要问一句店家收不收现金。去ABBA博物馆在门口扫码预约参观时间段的时候发现支付宝也通用。向酒店前台问了最近的Forex(外汇市场)地址从宾馆出门，连着酒店的无线网络刷开了一辆电动滑板车开到斯德哥尔摩火车站才发现手机连不上网，靠着谷歌地图的离线功能摸索到了外汇市场，换完钱出来坐在火车站内的长椅上研究手机网络出了什么问题，把网络从5G改成4G及以下后手机突然又连上了Telia（瑞典电信公司）的网络服务，看来是当时5G基站还没有建到斯京来。

Because I hadn’t prepared thoroughly before departure, I only brought a UnionPay Visa card with me. When I tried to exchange Swedish currency at the Beijing airport, the system at the currency exchange counter suddenly crashed. Since it was almost time for me to board my flight, I had to give up and figured I’d just exchange money once I arrived in Stockholm.

But when I got to Stockholm, I quickly realized that without a widely accepted bank card or a digital bank app, it was nearly impossible to get around here. Apart from a few supermarkets and offline ticket stands for some parts of the public transport system, most restaurants and shops prefer cashless transactions. This meant that at every place I went, I had to ask first, “Do you accept cash?” before making a purchase.

At the ABBA Museum, while scanning the QR code at the entrance to book a time slot for entry, I was surprised to find that Alipay was accepted. I asked the hotel front desk for the nearest Forex (currency exchange agency) location, then connected to the hotel Wi-Fi, unlocked an e-scooter, and rode it to Stockholm Central Station. But once I got there, my phone wouldn’t connect to the internet. I had to rely on Google Maps’ offline mode to find my way to the Forex branch. After exchanging money, I sat on a bench inside the station to figure out what was wrong with my network. It wasn’t until I switched my phone’s network setting from 5G to 4G or lower that it suddenly reconnected to Telia (a Swedish telecom provider). Looks like, at the time, 5G infrastructure hadn’t fully implanted in Stockholm yet.

斯京的文化场所不少，要说个人最喜欢的还是选址坐落在海边的摄影博物馆，当时去看的展览内容和形式质量都相当高，在觉得是很适合年轻人周末约会的场所。在门口检票进去，点上两杯香槟气泡酒，边酌饮边观展，不至于喝得醉醺醺的但又能让人沾点醉意后与平等心境的对方敞开心扉畅所欲言。馆内有新兴的电子艺术，以及自然环境与都市生活的思考。其中一个展览用有些同情的语气说种在日本高速中间的树，大概余生都要在高速公路吵闹且充满汽车尾气的环境下生存了，由于自我认同是树需要关心同类（…），而认识的瑞典小孩又是学树木学的，就问了他对此的看法，他告诉我说树受噪音污染的问题不大，非生物损害例如被车撞，排水性差可能对树木造成的损伤倒可能会更大些。给我印象最深刻的还是从旧金山现代艺术博物馆借来参与巡展的一个名叫《圣塔莫尼卡》的电影短片。影片主要讲述了苏联解体后，主创者的母亲因为被下岗醉酒的父亲家暴以及经济下行感觉对她所在的国家和困住她的生活深深地失望了，生活中唯一的慰藉就是晚间播放的美国肥皂剧《圣塔莫尼卡》，主创的母亲成为这部剧忠实观众的同时也开始做属于她的美国梦，终于有一天提笔给报纸上的跨国婚姻介绍栏中留的联系方式写信，一天夜里突然带着两个孩子出发去了美国，成了一位美国老男人的“邮购新娘”。虽然老男人对主创的母亲以及两个小孩很好，但现实生活终不如电影电视剧中演的那样梦幻，主创母亲的美国梦也在当地生活一段时间后被击碎，对美好生活的向往也被柴米油盐消磨殆尽，最后的镜头便是主创坐在对面问她什么问题她都只是两眼空洞的麻木漠然地坐着，也不回答。当时看完的唯一感受是她是大国间政治斗争中被政治宣传洗脑的牺牲品之一。展览本身还包含了创作背景过程以及剧本的手稿和主创团队的幕后采访。虽然感觉我平时对美国意见不小，大概是因为住久了怯魅怯得过于彻底，但是在影视创作上又不得不承认美国人是业内金字塔尖的水平。当时斯京街头上经常可以看到的乌克兰旗帜和反俄的标语又让我觉得在当时的时间节点展出这个的展览很微妙。在美国念书的时候能感受得到就整体而言美国对于俄罗斯这个国家有明显的仇视情绪，但在学校遇到的来自俄罗斯移民的同学和前苏联的老教授都是极致聪明，写的文章逻辑清晰，用词精准繁复，环环相扣，专业素养非常强的同时待人亲和又谦逊。现在再结合自身的经历和浅薄的人生阅历再做理解，觉得和影片中的母亲不同的是，高素养的新一代移民和老教授大概是带着目的和职业理想去的美国，而不仅仅怀揣着一个虚妄易碎的美国梦。但又觉得，如果当时的时局不同，她会不会还与有稳定工作的丈夫和两个小孩在俄罗斯继续生活，现实世界的生活充盈到不需要看美式肥皂剧来填补精神世界的空缺，当个普通幸福快乐的家庭主妇呢？影片的制作水准相当高，故事性强的同时还有极高的艺术标准，在这个展内停留了很久，连着幕后制作的部分反复观看了多次。第二傍晚还特地跑回来买了相关纪念品。

Stockholm has no shortage of cultural venues, but my personal favorite is undoubtedly the Fotografiska, the photography museum located right by the waterfront. When I visited, both the content and presentation of the exhibitions were of exceptionally high quality—definitely the kind of place that feels perfect for a weekend date among young people. After scanning the tickets at the entrance, you can ordered two glasses of sparkling wine — just enough to get a little tipsy without going overboard — setting the mood for open, equal, and heartfelt conversations while viewing the art.

近出口处的窗台上摆满了空酒杯。/ The windowsill near the exit was filled with empty wine glasses.

The museum showcased emerging forms of digital art, as well as exhibitions reflecting on the relationship between natural environments and urban life. One installation, in a somewhat sympathetic tone, described a tree planted in the middle of a Japanese highway that would likely spend the rest of its life surrounded by traffic noise and exhaust fumes. Being someone who oddly identifies as a tree (…) and knowing a Swedish kid who is studying to be an arborist, I asked him what he thought of the content of exhibition. He told me noise pollution doesn’t affect trees much—abiotic damage, like being hit by a car or poor soil drainage, would pose more serious threats for the trees.

The piece that left the deepest impression on me was a short film titled Santa Monica, started from the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art as part of a traveling exhibition to Fotografiska. It told the story of the filmmaker’s mother in the aftermath of the Soviet Union’s collapse. After being laid off, she was stuck in an abusive marriage with an alcoholic unemployed husband. With the economy in free fall, she became deeply disillusioned with her country and her trapped existence in her own household. Her only solace came from watching the American soap opera Santa Monica, which aired nightly. She became an avid viewer and started to dream of an ideal American life. One day, she wrote to a contact listed in the newspaper’s international marriage ads, and one night, she packed up her two children and left for the U.S. without even saying goodbye to her husband, becoming a “mail-order bride” to an older American man.

Although the man treated her and the children kindly, real life was nothing like the fantasy portrayed in TV dramas. Her American dream was eventually shattered, worn down by the mundane realities of daily life. In the final scene, the filmmaker sits across from her, asking questions to which she responds with a vacant, emotionless stare — silent and numb. Watching it, all I could think was that she was one of the countless casualties of geopolitical propaganda during great power compete against each other.

The exhibition also included behind-the-scenes interviews, handwritten scripts, and creative process notes. Even though I often have critical thoughts about the U.S. — probably because living there so long has thoroughly stripped away its allure — I have to admit that American storytelling and filmmaking remain at the pinnacle of global standards.

At that time, Ukrainian flags and anti-Russian slogans were commonly seen on the streets of Stockholm, which made the timing of this exhibition feel particularly delicate. During my studies in the U.S., I did sense a general atmosphere of hostility toward Russia as a country itself. But the Russian immigrant classmates and old Soviet professors I met were brilliant — articulate, precise, and methodical in their writing, with impressive expertise and an incredibly kind and humble demeanor.

Looking back now, with a bit more life experience and perspective, I realize that what sets them apart from the mother in the film is their motivation: the highly educated new generation of immigrants and professors probably came to the U.S. with purposes and professional goals — not just a fragile, illusory American dream. But I still wonder — if circumstances had been different, would that woman have stayed in Russia, working a stable job alongside her husband, raising two kids, living a fulfilled life that didn’t require an American soap opera to fill a spiritual void? Could she have just been an ordinary, happy housewife?

在东亚被认为是缺乏管教且欠收拾，在欧美却被认为是自由成长的环保少女格蕾塔·通贝里。/ In East Asia, Greta Thunberg is considered to be a lack of discipline and need to be taken care of, but in Europe and the United States, she is considered to be a free-spirit environmentalist teenage role model.

The film was both artistically exquisite and emotionally powerful. I stayed in that exhibition for a long time, rewatching the film and its production materials several times. I even went back the next evening just to buy related souvenirs.

从摄影博物馆出来，心情和思绪还沉浸在刚刚看完的展览里久久不能平静，就这样站在海边，看着对岸的楼群华灯初上，灯火阑珊。因为是周五，附近码头的邮轮入口排满了等着开上船去斯德哥尔摩近岸小岛过周末的车辆，虽然自己不抽烟，但此情此景却很想点一根烟或一盏茶烛作为当下的情绪道具，只是想看忽明忽暗的火光与对岸夜色城景作呼应，就像是企图用自身有限且片面的人生阅历去解读参透历史洪流和人类文明的自己。

Coming out of the photography museum, my mind and emotions still lingered in the exhibition, unable to settle. I stood by the waterfront, gazing at the cityscape across the water as the lights of the buildings flickered on, casting a soft glow. It was a Friday, and the nearby dock was packed with vehicles waiting to board ferries bound for traveling to the nearby islands of Stockholm for the weekend. Though I don't smoke, at that moment, I had a strong urge to light a cigarette or a tea candle as a way to express my feelings, wanting to watch the flickering flame in contrast to the distant city lights, as if trying to use my limited and narrow life experience to understand and interpret the vast flow of history and human civilization.

后来和学校里的欧洲同学朋友聊天的时候发现他们都不喜欢法国人和俄罗斯人，讨厌他们的理由却是完全不同的，法国人因为仗着自己有文化情商高奶酪好吃红酒好喝，在其他人眼里总有种拿腔拿调的做作感。而和在中文媒体上看到的总体偏正面的形象不同，俄罗斯在大多数欧洲人眼里就是一个见谁打谁的霸凌者。

一次去Nation社交谈天喝饮料，快结束打算回公寓的时候拿了我的人造皮草给意大利血统的澳洲厨子和芬兰血统的瑞典小孩试穿并拍了几张照片，澳洲厨子穿着皮草看上去就像黑手党的阔绰情妇，而瑞典小孩穿皮草的照片越看越不对劲，还总让我产生一种浑身打颤的感觉，仔细想了一下他穿皮草的样子活脱脱一个俄罗斯精神小伙的形象，感觉是直接从MØ的Kamikaze MV里拽出来的一个斯拉夫街溜子。隔了几天再去Nation的时候把我的看法告诉他。

瑞典小孩：我才不像俄罗斯人呢！

我：欧洲人说我像日本人的时候我可没生气哦，因为我有家人在日本生活，但你不能对别的中国人这样讲，八成会挨揍的。

瑞典小孩：但日本人有文化啊，俄罗斯人就是野蛮，侵略过欧洲大部分国家。

我：日本也侵略过中国，但俄罗斯人也有文化啊，普希金的童话和诗，陀思妥耶夫斯基的《罪与罚》，柴可夫斯基的天鹅湖组曲。

瑞典小孩不再接话，只是闷声喝啤酒。

后来把瑞典小孩穿貂皮的照片给课上的一个俄罗斯同学看问他像不像俄罗斯人，结果的他的重点完全在于：“你知道在俄罗斯他是不能这样穿女人衣服的对吧？”

我：那我当然知道的啦~

Later, when I was chatting with my European classmates and friends at school, I realized that they all disliked the French and the Russians, but for completely different reasons. The French were disliked because, according to them, they always had this pretentious vibe, relying on their cultural sophistication, emotional intelligence, delicious cheese, and fine wine, which made them come across as a bit posh-on-purpose sometimes. On the other hand, contrary to the generally positive image of Russia I had seen on Chinese media, most Europeans saw Russians as bullies who would pick fights with pretty much every country in Europe.

One time, I went to a social gathering at Nation to chat and enjoy drinks. As we were about to leave, I took my faux fur coat and had an Australian chef of Italian descent and a Swedish kid of Finnish descent try it on, also snapping a few photos. The Australian chef looked like a glamorous wealthy mob wife in the fur, but when I looked at the photos of the Swedish kid wearing the fur coat, something felt off. The more I stared at them, the more I felt unease, almost as if I was getting chills. After thinking about it, I realized that he looked exactly like a Russian punk, like a Slavic street thug straight out of MØ's "Kamikaze" music video. A few days later, when I went back to Nation, I told him my thoughts.

Swedish kid: "I don't look like a Russian!"

Me: "When Europeans say I look like a Japanese girl, I don't get offended, because I have family living in Japan, but you can't say that to other Chinese people. You’d probably get punched 8 out of 10 times."

Swedish kid: "But Japanese people are well-cultured, Russians are just barbaric. They’ve invaded most of Europe."

Me: "Japan also invaded China, but Russians are well-culture as well—Pushkin’s tales and poems, Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake suite."

The Swedish kid didn’t respond, he just quietly sat there and sip his beer.

Later, I showed the photo of the Swedish kid in the fur coat to a Russian classmate and asked if he looked like a legit Russian. His response focused entirely on another point: "You know in Russia, he couldn’t wear women's clothes like that, right?"

Me: "Well of course I know that~"

大学是在华盛顿特区的隔壁州念的，周末经常会去特区逛大街和博物馆，每每总能遇上政治相关的游行，偶尔路过白宫，门前抗议的人群也从未完全消失过。后来再到斯德哥尔摩逛大街和博物馆的时候发现只要是一个国家的首都总是避不开她天然的政治属性的，但长期暴露在政治元素过度饱和与言语冲突辩论不断环境下难免会觉得精神疲劳，年轻人涉世不深被各方资本党派挑动情绪当棋子，青年人为了生计疲于奔命已经完全失去表达欲望只是在咬牙随波逐流，中年人上有老下有小为了养家糊口每天带着面具为了生计选边站，在中国和美国的时候与当中的谁交谈但凡涉及到政治性的话题都觉得味同嚼蜡，过于偏激，过于麻木，过于虚伪。疫情期间大家都被关久了，精神状态如被一根细线挑着岌岌可危，似乎每个人在某个节点都活成了一座孤岛。来斯京的时候疫情刚刚解封，俄乌冲突问题闹得正盛，时局动荡，斯德哥尔摩中央火车站外也站满了配枪穿军装的瑞典大兵在维护治安，以安全稳定著称的北欧国家似乎也无法做到完全不被世界政局的风暴波及。

I attended university in a neighboring state to Washington, D.C. and would often visit the city on weekends to explore the streets and its museums. Every time, I would encounter political-related protests and marches, and occasionally, I’d walk past the White House, where the crowds of protesters in front of it had never completely disappeared. Later, when I went to Stockholm to walk around the streets and visit museums, I realized that as long as a place is the capital of a country, it inevitably carries a natural political significance. However, being constantly exposed to an over-saturation of political elements and continuous verbal clashes and debates can lead to mental fatigue. Teenagers, with little experience in the world, are stirred up by various parties and capital interests, becoming pawns in political games. Young people, exhausted from struggling to make ends meet, have lost their desire to express themselves, merely gritting their teeth and going with the flow. Middle-aged people, with responsibilities for both aging parents and children, wear masks every day, busy choosing sides to feed their families. When I was in China and the U.S., any political discussions felt tasteless with all three age-ranged people group, thery are either overly extreme, overly numb, or overly hypocritical. During the pandemic, we were all confined for so long, our mental states hanging by a thin thread, and it seemed like everyone, at some point, had become an isolated island. When I arrived in Stockholm, the pandemic was reaching to an end, and the Russia-Ukraine conflict was in full swing. The situation was turbulent, and outside the central station in Stockholm, soldiers in military uniforms, armed with rifles, stood guard to maintain security. Even Nordic countries, known for their safety and stability, seemed unable to escape the storm of world politics at the moment.

在斯京逛完博物馆去了当地一家的素食餐厅吃饭，对素食主义者谈不上有什么偏见，只是觉得以自己有限的营养学知识来看不是很健康，毕竟，人是杂食动物。平时在公寓自己下厨请同学朋友来吃饭也是尽量避免请到只吃素食的同学，一方面因为觉得自己不是开餐厅赚钱的，做不到客制化菜单，另一方面也觉得自己会做的纯素食菜实在有限，就算请别人来了也不能做到宾主尽欢。跟服务生点了菜单上口感脆生生的西葫芦开放三明治，去店里可以免费续杯的咖啡机前接了杯咖啡在靠窗的卡座坐下，店里除了我还坐着其他几个顾客，不经意听见隔壁桌的两位看上去和我年纪相仿的年轻人在用英文聊他们去东京玩的经历，其中的男孩子留着半长的头发，涂着黑色的指甲油，穿着打扮偏高街风，说话的语气也是温温柔柔的，女生也是漂亮大方明朗的形象，双方都在一个平等的状态下进行友好对话，分享自己的生活经历，不像平时我在国内时和同龄人进行的谈话，行为举止明里暗里都在炫耀，讲话措辞都句句藏刀，有时候干脆不装直接表示“我过得就是比你好。”不到几个小时相处下来感觉不是在出门放松社交，而是找了份零工在打，极度消耗精气神。到瑞典念书后在Nation和瑞典的同学朋友彻夜长谈过，聊的话题都很有意思，聊一些不算愉快的个人经历的时候也会互相共情后再分享自己相关的经历。清晨天刚刚亮走在回公寓的路上，一点都不觉得累，简单洗漱休息后上午还连开了两个线上会议。

After visiting museums in Stockholm, I went to a local vegetarian restaurant for lunch. I don’t have any particular prejudice against vegetarians, but from my limited knowledge of nutrition, I don’t think it’s very a healthy choice, after all, humans are omnivores. When I cook at the apartment and invite friends and classmates over for the dinner parties, I try to avoid inviting those who are strictly vegetarian. On the one hand, because I’m not running a restaurant and can’t offer a custom menu, and on the other hand, because the number of pure vegetarian dishes I can make is limited. Even if I do invite someone, I wouldn’t be able to ensure they’d have a great time like everyone else. I ordered a tasty yet crispy zucchini open sandwich from the menu, and after getting a cup of coffee from the free refill machine, I sat down at a window seat. Besides me, there were a few other customers in the restaurant. I overheard a conversation between two young people sitting at the next table, who seemed to be around my age, speaking in English about their trip to Tokyo. The young man had medium-length hair, with his nails painted black, and dressed in a high street fashion style. He spoke in a soft tone, and the young woman was also pretty, confident, and bright. They both engaged in a friendly, equal conversation, sharing their life experiences. It was nothing like the conversations I usually had with people my age in China, where the behavior, whether overt or subtle, was often about showing off, with words often laced with sharp undertones. Sometimes, they didn’t even try to hide it and would directly say, "I’m doing better than you." After just a few hours of conversation, it felt less like socializing for fun and more like I was doing a part-time job, draining my energy and spirit. After coming to Sweden to study, I spent whole nights in the Nation talking to Swedish friends. The topics we discussed were very interesting, and even when talking about not-so-pleasant personal experiences, we empathized with each other and then shared related experiences. Walking back to my apartment early in the next morning as the sky was just beginning to lighten, I didn’t feel tired at all. After a quick wash and rest, I even managed to attend two online meetings in the morning.

四岁的时候就开始学钢琴，所以平时听音乐的时候十分注重旋律和节拍，歌词反而很少关心了，所以自己一直很不喜欢听大多靠歌词出彩的说唱（不过我乐意听的节拍好听的说唱也有就是了），只关注背景音乐就导致有一两次出于喜欢背景乐而分享给别人的小黄歌或芭乐情歌因为歌词而产生过不少误会，所以后来也开始强迫自己听歌词，但旧习难改，也发现流行乐中纯音乐版的很少有好听的，听来听去还是一些北欧国家的歌手和制作人作出的曲最合我的品味，纯音乐版混在古典音乐里听也丝毫没有违和感，平时憋论文的时候也经常在耳机里放着边写边听。觉得这个世界上应该没有人会不喜欢ABBA，而去ABBA博物馆参观的体验也完全是再入口看到的那句 “走着进去，舞着出来” 。在自己开始留意歌词的那段时间重听了Mike Posner的I took A pill in Ibiza, 其中那句 “To show Avicii I was cool” 让我觉得北欧音乐人高水准的制作水平也确实到了一种别人要在他们面前扮酷留下印象的地步，而艾维奇在中文语境中的昵称是 “A神” ，直译为A God. 第一次来瑞典在阿兰达机场出关时就看到艾维奇博物馆的广告，由于斯京的出行好去处实在太多，冥冥之中当时又预感自己哪天会回来，当时就没有被我排进行程里。开学后选了一个周末去参观。在东亚社会，除了医生，律师，教授，科学家之外就没有其他上得了台面的职业，当初离开美国回国的原因之一也是疫情期间很难找到工作，只有收到让我去试镜当女演员的工作建议和邀约，觉得自己是怎样都不可能做这种工作的，便打包行李回国当工程师去了。到了Avicii博物馆，馆内除了有A神生前住过房间的布置，也披露了在舞台上被万人敬仰音乐制作人舞台下生活创作的艰辛，会因为脸上长了痘而自卑，因为担心作不出好作品令粉丝失望而困扰，会因为繁忙的工作行程而借助酒精和药物解压。其中一个展厅展现了舞台上音乐人参与演出的视角，从一踏进去眼前的闪光灯就未停过，让我倍感焦虑，没待上几秒就走出了展间，感慨这类工作虽然能带来名利，但随之带来的压力确实不是一般人所能承受的，表面的光鲜是背后不知多少日夜付出的努力所达成的。馆内还提供了AR设备，可以让参观者身临其境地参与并感受创作者的创作环境与空间。

ABBA上世纪80年代在日本的巡演日程。/ ABBA's tour schedule in Japan in the 1980s.

I started learning the piano when I was four years old, so when I listen to music, I pay a lot of attention to melody and rhythm, while I rarely focus on the lyrics. As a result, I’ve never been fond of rap music that relies heavily on lyrics to leave an impression (although I do enjoy rap music with good beats). My focus on background music and lack of attention to the lyrics led to a few misunderstandings when I shared songs with catchy instrumental backgrounds—such as some adult content songs or love songs—with others, they somehow only pay attention to the context of the lyrics. Eventually, I forced myself to listen to lyrics, but old habits die hard. I’ve found that there are a few instrumental versions of popular music that are enjoyable. After listening to many, I realized that the music I like most comes from artists and producers from Nordic countries. Their instrumental pieces fit well within my classical music playlist and blend seamlessly. I often listen to this kind of music while working on my essays or homework, playing it through my headphones as I write. I think no one in the world could dislike ABBA, and visiting the ABBA museum was exactly as described on the entrance sign: “Walk in, dance out.”

During the time I started paying more attention to lyrics, I re-listened to Mike Posner's "I Took A Pill In Ibiza," and the line “To show Avicii I was cool” made me realize that Nordic musicians have such a high level of production skills that others want to impress them by willing to do anything just to act cool in front of them. Avicii, whose nickname in Chinese is "A Shen" (meaning A God), was a true icon. The first time I came to Sweden, I saw an advertisement for the Avicii Museum at Arlanda Airport. Since there are so many great places to visit in Stockholm, and I had a feeling I would return someday, I didn’t add it to my itinerary at that time. After the semester started, I chose a weekend to visit the museum.

In East Asian societies, there are few respectable professions beyond doctors, lawyers, professors, and scientists. One of the reasons I left the U.S. and returned to China was because, during the pandemic, it was difficult to find work, and the only job offers I received were for acting roles, which I felt I could never do due to my eastern Asian identity. So, I packed my bags and returned to China to become an engineer.

When I visited the Avicii Museum, the exhibit included the room that he had lived in, as well as the struggles he faced as a music producer adored by millions. It revealed the hardships of creating music behind the scenes: struggling with self-esteem because of acne, worrying about disappointing fans by not producing quality work, and resorting to alcohol and drugs to cope with his packed schedule. One of the exhibition halls showcased the perspective of musicians performing on stage. As soon as I entered, the flashing lights overwhelmed me, and I felt an intense sense of anxiety. I only stayed for a few seconds before I left, reflecting that while fame and wealth may come from this line of work, the pressure is something most people cannot bear. The glitz on the surface is the result of countless days and nights of effort. The museum also offered AR equipment, allowing visitors to immerse themselves in and experience the creative environment and space of the artist.

出于一个把”白日醉酒好过白日做梦Rather spend time day drinking than daydreaming”作为人生格言，并把伏特加当发酵土豆汁在喝的前酒鬼的本分，从ABBA博物馆出来就直奔Spirit 博物馆去了（并不。

在Expedia上买的旅行套餐里，看到有一个叫Spirit Museum的，因为没有提前做好功课，又想要了解瑞典人会怎样定义自己的民族“精神”，便编进自己的行程里，打算深入了解一下瑞典精神。结果一进门就看到了整墙的酒瓶子，再往里走墙上挂的也全是酒精相关的艺术品，觉得大概是有什么误会，掏出手机查了一下Spirit 也有酒精的意思···· · ·好家伙不然还以为瑞典人全员酒鬼，还在想到底是谁出的主意把民族精神往酒瓶子里搁。

不过说起来瑞典人和酒精的关系可以说是异常难舍难分的，据说上世纪末都还在拿酒当部分工资发。和在中国与美国不同，在瑞典的普通超市里是买不到烈酒和酒精型饮料的，除了酒吧，餐厅，和夜店之类的娱乐休闲场所之外想要买酒喝，是一定要到政府机构经营的酒类专卖店去买的。和美国略显龟毛的21岁才可以买酒喝的规定相比，在瑞典18岁就可以在餐厅酒吧点酒，不过要到20岁才能进酒类专卖店拿身份证自己买酒。喝了酒的瑞典人和他们清醒时的样子相比简直是两幅面孔。因为社交和工作需要的缘故，周末会经常去Nation（类似于学生会和同乡会性质的场所，也有销售酒精的许可）打发时间，经常可以看到在学校里认识瑞典同学和朋友刚来参加活动时没碰酒前都西装革履，锦衣华服，表情淡然，眼神冰冷，寒暄的时候聊的话题和讲话的语气都是礼貌克制的，给人感觉不是来社交而是来Nation谈一笔上亿流水的大生意的。但几杯酒下肚之后大家的脚步就变得肉眼可见得开始打漂，脸上表情也不再严肃而是挂着傻笑，肢体语言也变得生动外放，开始和在场的所有人勾肩搭背，称兄道弟，互认姐妹。这种反差在我看来是相当可爱的，因为可以见到平日里认识的严肃且有距离感的瑞典同学朋友们不设防且较生活化的一面，但如果对方喝得太醉的话也很难进行什么有营养和信息价值的谈话就是了。一次在Nation办的活动和认识的土耳其男生聊天的时候，坐同一桌的瑞典男生互相介绍完听说我是来自中国之后，眼睛死盯着我的同时开始： “我十五岁的时候去过北京诶 “， “北京好漂亮哦 “，” 我真的好想再去一趟北京哦“三句话陷入无限循环似的不停地对我讲，我去吧台买饮料喝的时候还站到旁边来拿着他当晚的第九瓶啤酒继续无限循环，把我逼到尴尬得整个人贴墙站，说”那你再去一趟嘛，我又不是北京来的。 “的同时发现他好像并不在意我回复了他什么，还是那三句话在无限循环，感觉他是北京旅游局瑞典分部派来感化我的。

忘了最后是谁实在看不下去把这个男生拉走的，在吧台后面工作的瑞典朋友跟我说: 不要紧张害怕哦，他不是对你有意思，他有女朋友的，他就是喝醉了在发酒疯。

我：哈哈哈我看得出来，毕竟我长这么大还没见过这么外向活泼话多的自来熟瑞典人。

看过别人评论说美国人是外热内冷，表面上冲你笑得很和气，但你永远都走不进他们的内心。而德国人却恰恰相反，外冷内热，一开始接触的时候相当高冷难以接近，但相处时间久了只要认可接纳你，便会把你当真心朋友看待。觉得德国人的这一印象放在瑞典人身上也适用，如果有酒精当催化剂关系就会进展得更快。

Guided by the life motto of "Rather spend time day drinking than daydreaming," and having considered vodka as fermented potato juice for self-consumption, I left the ABBA museum and headed straight for the Museum of Spirit (not really).

一整面墙的酒精类饮品。/ A whole wall of alcoholic beverages.

I had seen a place called the Museum of Spirit as part of a travel package I booked on Expedia. Since I hadn't done any prior research and was curious about how Swedes would define their national "spirit," I decided to include it in my itinerary to learn more about Swedish and their national spirit. However, when I entered, I was immediately greeted by a wall of liquor bottles, and as I walked further in, I noticed that all the art on the walls was alcohol related. I started to wonder if there had been some misunderstanding, so I quickly checked my phone and realized that "spirit" also refers to alcohol... I was stunned! I almost thought that all Swedes were alcoholics and was wondering who came up with the idea of putting their national spirit in a bottle.

With that being said, the relationship between Swedes and alcohol is quite inseparable. It is said that as recently as the late 20th century, alcohol was even part of some people's salaries. Unlike in China or the United States, you can't buy spirits or alcoholic beverages in regular supermarkets in Sweden. To buy alcohol, you have to go to a government-run store that sells only alcohol, except if you're at a bar, restaurant, or nightclub. Compared to the U.S., where you have to be 21 to buy alcohol, in Sweden, you can order drinks in restaurants or bars at the age of 18. However, you must be 20 to buy alcohol at the government stores. Swedes after a few drinks of alcohol are like two completely different people compared to when they are sober.

Due to social and work-related reasons, I often spend weekends at Nation (a place similar to a student union or a regional club, where alcohol is also served under issued license). It's common to see Swedish classmates and friends, when they first come to an event and haven't had any drinks, dressed in suits and evening gown looking elegant, with calm and chill expressions. The topics of conversation and tone of voice are polite and restrained, giving the impression that they are not there for socializing but for closing a major international trading deal. However, after a few drinks, their steps become noticeably wobbly, their facial expressions change into silly smiles, and their body language becomes lively and extroverted. They start to throw their arms around the shoulders of everyone present, calling each other "bro" or "sis." I find this contrast rather endearing because it shows a more unguarded and down-to-earth side of my Swedish friends and classmates, whom I usually see as serious and a bit distant. But if they drink too much, it's difficult to have any meaningful conversation.

Once, while chatting with a Turkish guy at a Nation event, the second a Swedish guy at the same table heard that I was from China, he locked his eyes on me and started saying, "I went to Beijing when I was 15," "Beijing is so beautiful," and "I really want to go to Beijing again." These three phrases seemed to get stuck in an endless loop in his head, and even when I went to the bar to get a drink, he followed me, holding his ninth beer of the night and repeating the same three phrases. I became so uncomfortable that I ended up standing with my back against the wall and said, "Well, why don't you go again? I'm not even from Beijing." It was then I realized that he didn’t care what I replied—he was just repeating those three sentences like a tourist ambassador from Beijing city hall.

I forgot who finally pulled him away, but a Swedish friend working behind the bar came over and said, "Don't worry, he’s not hitting on you. He has a girlfriend. He's just drunk and being silly."

I laughed and said, "I can tell. After all, I’ve never met such an outgoing and talkative Swedish person in my life."

I've seen others comment that Americans are warm on the outside but cold on the inside; they smile and are friendly with you, but you'll never truly get to know them. Germans, on the other hand, are the opposite: cold on the outside but warm on the inside. At first, they can seem standoffish and hard to approach, but once they accept you, they treat you like a true friend. I think this impression of Germans can also be applies to Swedes. If alcohol is involved as a catalyst, relationships can move faster.

但想要真的去了解瑞典的民族精神的话，可以通过一部叫《一个叫欧维的人决定去死》的电影去作个了解。个人认为作为萨博车死忠粉的固执老头欧维，生前坚韧不拔温柔贴心作为欧维妻的索妮娅，毛茸茸性格独立但亲人的布偶猫，嫁给当地人怀孕都还在学开车的波斯女人，努力打工赚钱买摩托车的小青年，爱打扮画眼线因为性取向被父亲赶出家门的快餐店员等角色，都可以代表瑞典，且是现代瑞典民族精神的重要组成部分。也可以从酒精博物馆出门右转走个五分钟去北欧博物馆参观学习一下，从北欧历史到现代生活再到自然景观地貌，讲解介绍面面俱到。

酒精博物馆内的瑞典国旗，和家人都觉得瑞典国旗的配色很好看。/ The Swedish flag in the Museum of Spirit. My family and I think the color scheme of the Swedish flag is very beautiful.

给随行的小海鸥用编珠串了一条瑞典国旗配色的围巾，妈妈见了说如果真有这个配色的毛绒围巾她是很乐意买的。/ I made a Swedish flag scarf with beads for the little seagull that was traveling with me. When my mother saw it, she said she would be happy to buy this gorgeous plush scarf if it really existed.

If you really want to get to know Sweden's national spirit, you can get a sense of it through the film called A Man Called Ove. Personally, I believe that characters like Ove, the stubborn old man who is a die-hard Saab fan, his wife Sonja who was steadfast and kind-hearted in life, the fluffy yet independent and affectionate Ragdoll cat, the Persian woman who married a local and was still learning to drive while pregnant, the young man working hard to earn enough money to buy a motorcycle, the fast food restaurant clerk who was kicked out by his father because of his sexual orientation — all of these characters can represent Sweden and are an important part of modern Swedish national spirit. If you want to get to know the spirit of Swedish more, you can also exit the Museum of Spirit, turn right, and walk for five minutes to visit the Nordic Museum, where you can learn about everything from Nordic history and Scandinavian modern lifestyle to natural landscapes. The explanations and exhibits are very thorough and comprehensive.

北欧博物馆/ The Nordic Museum

每次漫步在斯德哥尔摩，总是会被浓厚的历史气息和科技未来感深深吸引，古老的文化遗产与现代的城市风貌相得益彰，仿佛时光在这里交汇，过去与未来在同一片天空下并肩存在。而斯德哥尔摩确实是配得上“斯京”这一名号的。如果说澳门是疫情结束后重新让我爱上城市生活的地方，那么对我个人而言，斯德哥尔摩就像人生低谷期对你不离不弃的好友，帮助我理清过往思绪，在平衡物质生活欲望的同时也满足了我精神交流的需求，在提醒我不要沉溺于过去同时也劝诫要关注当下，并展望未来。

Every time I stroll through the street in Stockholm, I am deeply drawn to the rich historical atmosphere and futuristic technological feel. The ancient cultural heritage and modern cityscape complement each other, as if time converges here, with the past and future coexisting under the same sky. Stockholm truly lives up to the name "Capital of Scandinavia". If Macau is the place that made me fall in love with urban living city life again after the pandemic, then for me, Stockholm is like a loyal friend who stays by your side during the lowest of your life. she helped me clarify my thoughts, balanced my material desires, and also fulfilled my need for intellectual and emotional connection. She reminded me reflect but not to dwell on the past, encouraged me to focus on the present, and inspired me to look forward to the future.

Disclaimer: All conversations are slightly altered based on real-life events for the purpose of adjusting colloquial expressions into formal written language, AI generative tool was used for better wording choices and translation purposes.

未经允许，禁止转载。/ Without permission, reproduction is prohibited.

All photos are shot and edited with SONY’s products.

斯京思境 Stockholm State-Of-Mind

无论未来我生活在世界的哪个角落，我都会永远珍藏着一片斯德哥尔摩在心中。

No matter in which corner of this world I will live in the future, I will always carry a piece of Stockholm in my heart.

魔力澳门 Macau Magic